Umami Mama

A Cook's Life #6 - Adding Insult to Injury

2009-09-19T10:59:00.000-07:00

about six months ago, i injured my back at work. i was wrapping up some mise en place, when i suddenly felt a sharp twinge down the right side of my lower back. i screamed from the pain, and surprise. i wasn't sure what happened, and everyone around me was concerned. i assured them i was okay, but as the night progressed, i had trouble walking, cutting, moving, and pretty much everything physical you need to do when you are cooking. i was sent home early and tried to rest.

the next few months were fraught with tests, painkillers, muscle relaxants, insurance and workers compensation paperwork, tons of sick leave, all mixed in with drugged up loopy work days (according to HR, i shouldn't have been working at all because they didn't want to be liable), and making absolutely no money. i was also depressed, because my doctors (i saw a total of four) were telling me it didn't look good. after the MRI came back, i was told that i had severe back spasms and that i would forever have back problems.

as a cook, my greatest weakness has always been physical strength. this has made me work harder and faster, trying to compensate for this. i've now been told that years of lifting things that were too heavy for me, and reaching for things that were always a few inches too high have contributed to my back problems. as of August, i've been working cold apps/garde manger while doing physical therapy to strengthen my back.

the restaurant has also been extremely slow. summer has always been our slow season, but this coupled with the recession has led to layoffs and the cutting of schedules. so in addition to having sick leave i've been working only 20 hour weeks. just to make it clear, i made about $1000 over the course of three months...$1000 over the course of three months...i won't write it again, but that's the reality of working as a cook. even as a skilled cook, we make barely enough to live on when we work full time, and anything less is unbelievable. yes, that's a little over $300 a month.

the good news is that i'll be working full time during DINE LA, and back on the hotline for at least three weeks. the chefs asked me if i was going to be ok doing this, and i told them it would be like anything else. i've always been the cook they moved around to whatever station or schedule because they knew i would handle it. they even asked me if they could count on me to work DINE LA, since they knew i was looking for part time work. i said yes because although i do have some prospects, nothing is set and i'd rather say yes to a sure thing. i need the money and i need to start working as a cook again, the kind of cook i used to be.

but lately, i've been feeling let down. first my back, then the restaurant; two things that i depend on for my livelihood have been so shaky, and with the chefs asking me to at least commit to DINE LA, i mean, i understand that everything has been bad for everyone, but honestly if i have a better offer in the next few weeks, i'm going to take it. i am the only one who can take care of myself, and i haven't been able to do that for half a year. i had spoken to the chefs a month ago about needing more hours, and they told me they couldn't guarantee anything, but now they come to me and ask the same? there is no reciprocation, no satisfaction, no guarantees, but still the expectation of professionalism, even if that means i get the short end of the stick. yes, i feel used and abused, but also lucky that i even have a job. and it hasn't helped that all i've been making is cold apps/salads. it's been months of my self-confidence and self-worth slowly being stripped away.

i am looking forward to DINE LA, because it will give the kick in the pants i need, and who knows, maybe the restaurant will get busy again, and i'll have full time hours, and i won't need to get a part time job, or maybe something unexpected will fall into my lap and i'll be doing something completely different. it's been tough, but i'm still trying to stay positive. i'm hoping October and November will bring resolution and a return to normalcy, but for right now i still struggle with lifting the french pans, paying bills, and wondering what comes next...like everyone else, we are all struggling. hope your story is a better one.

-I

Manifesto #6 - 1st Birthday!!!

2009-09-09T11:03:00.000-07:00

and here we are, a year and a day later than my first inaugural post for my very first blog. 2008 had alot of postings, as my OCD manifested in sleepless nights of writing all the things about food that i had been constantly thinking about and stored away for "another day." luckily, i couldn't bear keeping everything in my head and had a prolific period. however, this affected my day job (or, night job, rather) and i had to make myself stop for balance. after this i had a few life changing experiences, lived without a computer and internet for a little while, was very busy, and perhaps was trying to build up some cerebral inspiration aka PROCRASTINATION GOLD!

so a year later, i finally start writing again, and i'm glad. thank you to all my readers; i hope you've enjoyed the experience and the greater story that is unfolding. here's to my 1st year and many more to come!!!

Mood Food #3 Tempus Fugit Manet Amor

2009-09-07T16:39:00.000-07:00

thinking of my last post (Food Consciousness #3) i was reminded of how people pass away, but their memory remains. nearly every funeral i've attended, there is always some mention of how the loved one's cooking would be missed. i remember when at my cousin's funeral (died at age 27 from a motorcycle accident) his mother screaming how much she would miss his bbq. for christmas many years ago, i received a notebook with my mom's recipes that i specifically asked her to write out for me, so that when she died, i could cook her dishes and think of her. sounds morbid, but that is definitely part of my personality.

about a month before my uncle's passing, my dear friend PJ (his daughter) was taught a new chicken recipe by him. he was an avid eater and cook, and was always playing around with dishes. since his passing, we've had family get togethers where PJ has made this dish for everyone. it's a classic one pot dish, the kind that warms your soul, and if you'd have known Tito Long, you'd understand the kind of person he was by eating the food he cooked.

alot of time has passed, and the mourning and grieving has given way to fond memories and smiles. we talk about him everyday, and because he was so loved, it's like he isn't really gone. but whenever PJ makes this dish, and we sit to eat, she always mentions her dad. it's like this recipe was a gift he gave, by teaching her how to show her love for people through cooking. every taste brings a little tear and a smile, and everyone at the table quietly eats to remember something and someone good.

i cooked this dish today, and although i've thought of ways to improve the recipe, i decided not to mess with a good thing. it's the kind of dish that doesn't need wine or deglazing, or the caramelizing of onions; it's just good as it is. the following is an email sent by PJ not long after the funeral. if you decide to tweak it, at least try its original form. you won't be disappointed.

-I

Hello All: Here's a recipe that Dad created and taught me last month.I had a chance to cook it for a couple of you -- it's pretty yummy.I'm going to make it tomorrow for my family. Buon appetito! Itadakimasu! Love you guys! PJ

Dad Long's Chicken w/ Tomato and Ginger

Chicken thighs or legs (8 pieces)
Tony Chachere's Cajun Spices
5-6 cloves of Garlic - crushed
1 medium Onion - diced
ginger - cut into thick slices (the greater the number, the better!)
3-4 small Tomatoes - sliced
Chicken Broth
Small can of Tomato Paste

1) Clean the chicken pieces and pat dry

2) Sprinkle the chicken pieces with Tony Chachere's Cajun Spices liberally

3) In a pot (e.g., dutch oven), combine the chicken, garlic, onion, ginger and tomatoes

4) Pour chicken broth into pot (but do not cover completely)

5) Sprinkle more of the Tony Chachere's Cajun Spices into the broth

6) Bring to a boil

7) Lower heat to a simmer and cover pot

8) Simmer for 45-60 minutes

9) Uncover and add tomato paste to thicken sauce

10) Cook for another 10 minutes

11) Serve with your choice of starch (rice, potato or pasta)

Food Consciousness #3 - In Memoriam for Tito Long

2009-03-31T11:47:00.000-07:00

My Tito Long passed away in February this year and I miss him terribly. The following emails relate a touching story of human compassion found in none other than the restaurant world. Sometimes it's not about covering food costs and how many numbers you've done for the night. Well done, Ben and Emily Ford. This shows true class.

Patrick Gealogo to Friends
date Thu, Mar 26, 2009 at 3:36 PM subject Fwd: A little story about my Dad and Ford's Filling Station

Hi Guys, Ford's Filling Station is honoring my Dad, Long Gealogo starting next Tuesday the 31st - (also my Bro-in-Law Dodd's Birthday - so greet him if you know him!!)By placing nothing but Blue Irises as a dedication to him! This was the last restaurant where I was able to eat out with Dad and it means a lot to us that Emily and Ben Ford are doing this for Dad. Please read the emails below and pass this on to anyone who might like to eat at Ford's Filling Station in Culver City! It's owned by Ben and Emily Ford - And yes there is a relation to Indiana Jones and you'd know it if you saw the feature on FOOD Network. The info is at the bottom of this email. It's a highly rated restaurant and I personally love the food - as do my fellow co-workers here at the Culver Studios! Please make it a point to go there if you have a moment even for a drink - And mention that you are a friend of ours if you do! Thanks again for all of your continued support and Love, Patrick

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Patrick Gealogo Date: Thu, Mar 26, 2009 at 2:49 PM
Subject: Re: A little story about my Dad and Ford's
To: "Beretta, Emily"

Hello Emily and Ben, Wow! Your email brought tears to my eyes! I didn't think that was possible now that I've spent most of them in recent weeks. That's a very thoughtful and beautiful gesture on your part. I would be honored - my family would be honored, to see them in your restaurant. I do give you my permission, but don't be alarmed if I cry like a baby while happily eating your very scrumptious Chowder.But I promise not to make a scene. I will make it a point to go there at lunchtime sometime next week for sure -I'm over due for the soup!!.

With All Sincerety,
Patrick Gealogo....

On Thu, Mar 26, 2009 at 2:18 PM, Beretta, Emily wrote:

Dear Patrick, Please accept our condolences on the passing of your father. Thank you for sharing your story with us. It means a great deal. Irises are just coming into season. Ben and I would like your permission to honor your father next week starting Tuesday by having nothing but blue iris in our vases as a dedication. Thank you for continued patronage, and we hope to meet you in person in the near future. We are usually around during the weekdays at lunch, so please ask for us the next time you are in.

Warm regards,
Emily and Ben Ford
Ford's Filling Station
310.202.1470 (restaurant) 310.202.0428 (fax)

From: Patrick Gealogo
To: Ford's Filling Station
Sent: Thu Mar 26 12:43:25 2009
Subject: A little story about my Dad and Ford's

Hi Guys, Recently, I ate at Ford's - I believe it was Friday the 19 the of February.For the very first time during my 9 year employment at The Culver Studios, I had the opportunity to eat lunch with my Dad & Mom, who just happen to be in the area.I suggested Ford's because I am addicted to the Clam Chowder in particular, and I wanted them to have a nice meal since they are usualy in the Pasadena area.We had a chance to talk about my latest projects, including creating a toy with my friend Nathan Hamill - the son of Mark Hamill, based on his artwork, and some of my other toys in manufacturing -- The food as usual was top drawer -- Dad a home chef himself - an Excellent one I might add, was very impressed with the subtleties of the food.the sevice was excellent and the Flowers at the table, OUR table were beautiful. My Dad asked what it was, but since I didn't know, I asked the bus boy who asked a waitress, and they told us that it was a Blue Iris -- the one at our particular table. We had a wonderful time and then it was time to say goodbye though they lived in Eagle Rock and I lived in Pomona -- Long commute to Culver City, I know.What I didn't know was that it would be the last meal I shared with my Dad.He passed away on Tuesday the 23rd of February of a sudden heart attack - in his sleep. My mother was devastated -- our entire family was devastated - since this is the first tragedy we've had in our very close family. From the day he passed, paranormal activities have occurred like his Ferrari turning on by itself, his Picture sliding sideways, etc (as in at least 10 paranormal occurrences) - I guess his way to show us that he isn't gone forever, just in a different location...=)but these occurrences were in addition to just very pleasant coincidences inlcuding a very special one concerning flowers. They day I went to the viewing for the very first time, I noticed a beautiful arrangement of flowers from my place of employment the Culver Studios, but what my sister had to point out to me in my grief was that ist was a huge arrangement of none other than Blue Irises...I cried b/c it was a flower that he had admired...and I'd never known him to admire flowers prior to that From now on whenever I go to Ford's I'll make sure to ask for a table with Blue Irises if you still have them. This is my last connection with him and also one reason I hope that your restaurant flourishes and remains a culinary staple in the restaurant world.

Most Sincerely,
Patrick Gealogo

A Cook's Life #5 - Calling In Sick

2008-11-23T21:00:00.000-08:00

when i used to work in an office, it wasn't uncommon for people to call in sick. some did it more than others, and it wasn't a big deal. no one else wanted to get sick, and honestly, they didn't want to see you hacking up a lung, surrounded by moldy tissues, sweat pouring down your face, with snot and saliva everywhere.

then, there's working in the kitchen. i remember one of my first classes in culinary school, one of the Chefs said that you NEVER call in sick and that you got mad respect from the other cooks. it showed true dedication and hard work, and that you didn't let your team down, no matter what.

you may think that, hey, if you are sick, you shouldn't be working in the kitchen where you are cooking for people, but there is an intense pressure to not call in sick. last week i started to feel under the weather, and although i debated calling in sick the whole of Friday morning, i settled on asking if i could leave after the rush, that way i would at least be able to help prep for the weekend, and help out with part of service. they were thankful that i came into work, and i was able to leave around 8pm. however, i forgot to make a double batch of pasta dough before i left, so i returned the next morning around 10am to finish. it was okay because i didn't really get to sleep because i couldn't breathe, and because i had the damn pasta dough on my mind.

did i mention that it was also my birthday, and that i had to cancel my party on account that i was feeling crappy and didn't want to get anyone else sick? well, now it's Sunday (a lot has happened this weekend, you don't even know the WHOLE story) and i am wondering if i should go into work. i suppose it would help me keep my mind off of things, as whenever i get sick (it doesn't happen too often) i can't rest because i keep thinking of the things i need to be doing or should be doing.

you may think i'm a workaholic, and that i'm crazy, but if you are a cook, everything i've written just sounds like a regular day at work, sick or not. i think i feel some pressure because i know that help is needed, and i also want people to take me seriously. it also doesn't help that the kitchen is a fickle place; you are only as good as your last plate and even though you've put in a lot of work, once you fuck up, people will be moaning and groaning about how they have more work to do and how everything is harder because so and so couldn't handle a little cold and that they should stop being a big baby BLAH BLAH BLAH!

used to hate it when people under estimated me, but now i like that i have the option of surprising the lucky few! i'll probably mull it over tomorrow morning, drinking my morning smoothie, while i'm doing laundry, after i'm walking the dogs, and...i'll probably go to work.

-I

Manifesto #5 - Hiatus

2008-11-13T10:39:00.000-08:00

Dear Readers,

as of late, it's been a very busy and difficult time at work. i was having some issues, and over the course of a week, they were being addressed by my superiors. yesterday i was able to gain some sense of closure, but honestly only time will tell if the situation gets better; one day does not a year make, but it is at least a start.

i will not go into detail of what happened. you might think that this would be perfect writing material, however, i find that it would be in poor taste for all parties involved. as far as i know, only six people know of what's going on (including me) and i hope it stays that way. although i know that working in a kitchen automatically means that everyone already knows what's going on, i hope people, out of respect for all parties involved, do not talk about it. i already know that some of front of the house saw me in tears yesterday, and they gossip like wildfire. only god knows what they've come up with.

so, i haven't written a whole lot on the blog, as my mind has been elsewhere, but hope to get back into it as means of de-stressing.

on a lighter note, i've hit over 200 profile views, so i'm glad people are actually reading (when i write, that is). i think the next few posts will be very introspective and when i'm feeling more jovial, i will be back to my (as my co-workers call me) wacky self.

so thanks for those of you who've kept checking in. read some of the blogs i follow on the right side as they are great. i'll be back up and running, hopefully very soon.

-I

Philosophical Musings #2 - Nullum Gratuitum Prandium

2008-11-01T17:42:00.000-07:00

today is All Saints Day and i decided to attend mass (it's been a LONG time) with my dear friend, PJ. we went to the beautiful Our Lady of the Angels, and afterwards went to the cathedral store to search for saintly items, namely patron saints for, oh i don't know...cooks?

it seems to be a running joke about how many different kinds of patron saints there are for a wide variety of occupations and ailments, such as bus drivers and alcoholism, computer users and venereal disease. a full list can be seen here, and although i don't take this sort of thing seriously, it's kinda nice to think that there are these saints that represent important aspects of everyday life. i had been doing some research prior, and found the patron saint of cooks to be St. Lawrence, however, upon visiting the cathedral store i found that there was indeed more than one patron saint for cooks. i will list them as follows:

1. St. Lawrence (also Patron Saint of archives, armouries, brewers, butchers, comedians, confectioners, deacons, fire, glaziers, laundry workers, librarians, lumbago, paupers, poor people, restaurateurs, Rome, school children, seminarians, Sri Lanka, stained glass workers, students, tanners, vintners, wine makers). as the story goes, he was slowly burned alive on a gridiron, his death sentence by Emperor Valerian in 258 AD. it is claimed that he told his executioners ,"Turn me over, for I am cooked on this side!" he usually depicted holding a grid iron (gotta love that catholic sense of humor).

2. St. Martha (also Patron Saint of butlers, dietitians, domestic servants, housekeepers, servers, single laywomen and travelers). She was sister to St. Lazarus and St. Mary of Bethany, and acted as a hostess to Christ and the apostles. inventor of bouillabaisse.

3. St. Paschal Baylon (also Patron Saint of Eucharistic congress and organizations). a Franciscan lay brother of the Alcantine reform, serving as a cook for his brethren. inventor of zabaglione.

4. St. Macarius the Younger (also Patron Saint of Pastry Chefs and Confectioners). was first a merchant of fruits, candies and pastries in Alexandria, Egypt. he left his successful business to become a monk, living a life of extreme poverty and asceticism in the desert. for seven years he ate only raw vegetables and water, and on feast days ate crumbs of bread dipped in oil. he later spent six months in marshes, exposing himself to mosquitoes and flies that left him permanently disfigured as an attempt to rid himself of earthly desires.

5. St. Radegund (Patron Saint of Female Cooks/Chefs). a Merovingian princess and later deaconess and found of the monatery of St. Croix du Poitiers of the 6th century. known for the caring, clothing and feeding the sick and poor, namely women and lepers.

while at the store, they had a wall display of small patron saint figurines to choose from. i found myself wanting to get the saints that weren't food related, but instead were the cooler looking "action figures". St. George was on horseback with a lance slaying a dragon, and St. Michael was brandishing a sword and had his foot stomping on Satan's face (his FACE for christ's sake! you're going DOWN satan, and you're going to eat my feet on the way!). the only food related patron saint in tow was St. Martha, and all she was doing was holding a cross. i later read that while in france, she was supposed to have slain a dragon by sprinkling it with holy water, lassoing it and killing it in a river. and this is while she invented bouillabaisse? why couldn't the figurine be her holding a pot of bouillabaisse AND smiting a dragon? that would have been, the BEST!

i decided to hold off on the figurines and instead purchased some refrigerator magnets of St. Martha and St. Paschal. St. Lawrence is on the way by special request, and i plan to post this "Most Holy and Venerable Triptych of Gastronomy" in my locker at work, that way when it's time to shine, i can see my saints and have a moment of focus and meditation. why am i doing this? simply put, work is getting harder, the numbers are going up, the pickups are getting larger, the prep is disappearing faster, Chef is getting LOUDER, and i'm going to try ANYTHING that will keep up a sense of positivity, hope and concentration.

i know they are just magnets, and i'm not praying to these saints to intercede. i focus mainly that the message and sentiment behind them is real and a lesson that i can take heart. i don't plan on subjecting myself to a volley of arrows (St. Sebastian), or be sentenced to death in the coliseum in defense of my virginity (St. Agnes), but i do plan on meditating on what these saints did, and how me cooking food, is of infinitely less importance. i should be able to go for the gold and cook food and do my very best because honestly, it's just food and my life isn't on the line.

see, who ever said self deprecation was a bad thing?

A Cook's Life #4 - Oh My Michelin Stars and Garters!

2008-10-21T09:21:00.000-07:00

so the 2009 Michelin Guide for Los Angeles came out yesterday. from their website they state the following:

What is a classic?

The Michelin Guide uses a system of symbols to identify the best hotels and restaurants within each comfort and price category. For restaurants, Michelin stars are based on five criteria:

The quality of the products
The mastery of flavor and cooking
The "personality" of the cuisine
The value for the money
The consistency between visits

Every restaurant listed in the Michelin Guide is recommended by our team of professional inspectors. The ones listed below have earned stars that reflect their exceptional culinary achievements, regardless of cuisine style. Stars, represent only what is on the plate. They do not take into consideration interior decoration, service quality or table settings.

One Star Restaurants

Asanebo - Ventura Boulevard

Bastide - Hollywood

CUT- Beverly Hills

Dining Room at the Langham - Pasadena

Gordon Ramsey at the London - Hollywood

Hatfield's - Hollywood

La Botte - Santa Monica

Mori Sushi - Westside

Ortolan - Hollywood

Osteria Mozza - Hollywood

Patina - Downtown

Sona - Hollywood

Sushi Zo - Los Angeles

Trattoria Tre Venezie - Pasadena

Valentino - Santa Monica

Water Grill - Downtown

Two Star Restaurants

Melisse - Santa Monica

Providence - Hollywood

Spago - Beverly Hills

Urasawa - Beverly Hills

i am happy to say that my restaurant has retained its one star rating. however, i am also vehemently impassioned to get that second star. in fact, i didn't really sleep last night because i was thinking, "Why didn't we get a second star? What does it take to get better? I WANT THAT SECOND STAR G*D !(*%#@&^#*@!&#@%*$@&#^@%$^^&$#*@!!!!!!!!!!!!

ugh. i honestly feel like some sort of kung fu character whose family was killed and now i've grown up dedicating my life to the martial arts and have found the people to exact revenge upon. and i want to taste that blood flowing from the corner of my mouth so i can tear off my shirt and deal my special killing move taught to me by my old blind master (who was also killed by the same people that killed my family), doing it all in slow motion with over dubbed sound effects and wind machine. and at the end of the movie, the credits roll, AND I GET THAT SECOND MICHELIN STAR!!!

as far as i know, they don't even tell you how to improve. i wish they would, because then it would show that they are truly concerned with the advancement of fine cuisine, but then again WE should know what fine cuisine is in the first place, and i will have no reprieve until things get better. I can't even enjoy my morning because i want to get to work right now and try to do something; oversee the stock making, work with the new cooks, tell certain cooks on the hot line to use less oil when they are frying fish because it's too oily, examine my own weaknesses, shave my head and train myself so i can hold hot coals with my bear hands and get those tiger and dragon brands on my forearms (shaolin-style, baby!).

i wonder if anyone else feels the way i do. i am a bit intense, especially when it comes to goals and rising to the occasion. i'll talk to the chefs today. i am ready and need to try and blow off this steam. i can do borderline genius/crazy for a year. it's going to be fun.

-I

Gastronomic Concepts #4 - A Field Guide to Cooks

2008-10-15T00:00:00.000-07:00

back in 2003, i picked up a great book called The Hipster Handbook . it's a humorous, tongue-in-cheek reference guide to identifying common, everyday pop culture and sub-pop culture personas, namely hipsters. for example, hipsters are always wearing some combination of american apparel, aviator sunglasses, corduroy, cowboy boots, and some sort of ironic thrift store t-shirt (that is always skin tight). they also live off their parents as they don't have jobs and sit at sidewalk cafes all day smoking cigarettes.

i thought it would be a great idea to write a field guide to cooks. the following descriptions are EXAGGERATED stereotypes, but if you're a cook, you'll either find yourself or co-workers as a mixture or as dead-on depictions.

1. Culinary Student/Extern (aka Fresh Meat) - you'll know them by their smile, super-white school uniforms, new pens/thermometers stuffed in their coat pockets like 80's nerds with their packed pocket protectors. they have full sets of brand new shun knives (that they don't know how to sharpen) and you could publish their enthusiasm as it is a desperate re-hash of what they've learned in school and are trying to prove themselves. they are like lambs to the slaughter, deers caught in headlights; unknowing polly-annas ripe with inspiration and soft hands and fingers ready to be nicked, burned and cut off. they call themselves "chefs" yet despite their training, don't know how to cook, and quickly learn this after the first day at REAL school.

2. Veteranos (aka Grumpy Old Men with Knives) - these guys don't mess around. they aren't there for show, but to work and make money. a lot is riding on them for families back in the homeland (mexico, guatemala, southeast asia) and most have worked in their same jobs and restaurants for at least 15 years. their work is perfection, as they've been doing the same thing over and over to the point that doing it blindfolded wouldn't be a problem. they are full of machismo, are mad prep machines, gripe about the whipper-snappers that work at night and how they don't prep anything, and usually leave once the lunch rush is over.

3. Crack Pots - no station is safe from these cooks, as every service is complete meltdown with dirty towels littering the floors, product in half cater-wrapped nine pans spilled on cutting boards, while they literally swing pans and curse as they cook. they also have a habit of making a lot of noise by smashing their pans on the burners and grunting as a way to pump themselves up and help work off the coke (with red bull/rockstar chaser) they did in the bathroom or car before starting the shift. they run around like chickens with their heads cut off, and are sometimes capable of great work, but it is never consistent.

4. Food Monks - if Bruce Lee was a cook, he'd be a food monk. much like veteranos, they aren't in the kitchen to socialize, but to work. however, it's how they work, quietly, deftly, dynamic and efficient in their movements almost like a dance. and you don't need to tell them what to do. they are already gliding over "crouching tiger, hidden dragon" style to the station that's in the weeds to help out. they never complain, and usually take up bigger responsibilities as they can be counted on. you don't know when they've arrived or when they've left as the work is always done and the station is left immaculately clean. calm and serene, their work is always consistent.

5. Pastry Princessas - patisserie. even the name sounds prettier than hot line. and so are the pastry cooks. immaculate uniforms, perfect makeup, they even smell good from all the baking, vanilla and sugar they are covered in. mostly women, these goddesses grace us with their presence and make short work of the bumbling runners and busboys that try to engage in conversation. it's not that they're rude, they're pastry (cue angels singing in the background). they provide a stark contrast to the rest of the kitchen that is sweaty and oil-stained. they also provide some interesting gossip as they are constantly having girl talk.

6. Class Clowns - just like all class clowns, all they do is disrupt the environment with their concern for funny stories, making animal noises during prep time (i've heard monkeys, donkeys, whale song, you name it) and outright dancing and singing on the line. there's a time and place for such things and sometimes we all need a little breather, but for class clowns, it's ALL the time. less disruptive class clowns tell their whole life stories during service to everyone and they don't shut up. even though they may be disciplined, it never lasts long and the "shenaniganz" quickly ensue.

7. Kitchion Biotch - women who have been working in kitchens long enough that they have good cred and reputation. they also have an attitude that would make most mothers hide their sons at home to keep them safe. often intimidating, straightforward and crass, they have no problem cutting down Fresh Meat with a mere look. they are ball busters as they've had to work harder to prove themselves, yet they can also get away with more by using their feminine wiles, whether they be the "Don't make me come over there and beat you like yo' Mamma did" or the "wouldn't you like to see what i look like, out of uniform? NOW PEEL THOSE POTATOES!" approaches. never get into an argument with these women as, like all women, they are always right. these women would also do well as a dominatrix. the less civilized and sophisticated version resorts to screaming at any given moment to get whatever they need done and done fast. needless to say, all Chefs (regardless of gender) fall into this category.

8. Rock Stars/Poseurs - these cooks never wear hats, as they interfere with their hairstyles (usually mohawks or some elaborate dye job), always have the top buttons of their chef coats undone, have numerous tattoos (sometimes food or pirate related) wear sunglasses (for that added bit of mystique) and sport some sort of bling (one pierced ear, leather wrist cuffs with studs, pinky rings). it's not important that they know how to cook (but it's THE BEST when they do as then they are true rock stars and not poseurs); they're just so bloody gorgeous and charming that you'll want to either sleep with them or give them money to start their own restaurant. in fact, they do a lot more talking than actual cooking, kissing ass in the dining room while the rest of the kitchen is working. young sous chefs, especially when not in the presence of the exec chef (never steal the boss' thunder) fall into this category, as they have the bump in pay, title, and pussy notches to prove it.

9. Hacks/Shoemakers - for a complete description, see this previous post. it is important to note that hacks can fall into any of these categories (especially the culinary student/extern), making them the most insidious kind of cook. there are also two kinds of hacks: the ones that don't know what they're doing (aka Fresh Meat) and the ones that know what to do but cut corners anyway (Shoemakers). i find the latter far worse than the former. don't be mistaken. no matter how much veterano cred, crack pot intensity, food monk zen, pastry princessa perfection, class clown humor, kitchion biotch attitude or rockstar finesse, hacks are ALWAYS found out.

popular combinations are:

Fresh Meat + Hack

Veterano + Food Monk

Kitchion Biotch + Rock Star

Crack Pot + Class Clown

i happen to be a good combination of food monk/fresh meat (especially now with concentrating on learning the new station) + class clown (in moderation, although i do a mean roger rabbit) + hack (even though i have experience, i'm still learning) + kitchion biotch (when i've lost patience for the runner that comes and eats my mise, i let the whole kitchen know that i'm not happy with a nice loud "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM MY STATION!"

i currently work with a rock star and kitchion biotch, both of whom can back it up, a new sous chef which makes him fresh meat (HAHAHAHA), two food monks that i used to see only on the weekends, a crack pot desperately trying to be a rock star, a food monk who can't stop talking on the line, a pure hack, and some good fresh meats that are learning really fast. i miss the veteranos, and morning food monk, but i still see them.

if i've left anything out, let me know and i'd be happy to add to the field guide.

-I

Guilty Pleasures #2 - Cadbury's Chocolate Recall

2008-10-14T00:01:00.000-07:00

back in late September of this year, my co-worker Sereyrith returned from a month vacation in Australia. i was happy to see his return, as he is a great cook and person to work with. he came bearing gifts of boomerangs and luscious Cadbury's chocolate dairy milk bars. if you've never had real Cadbury's that is made in england, seek it out. you can buy them online or if you are lucky enough to live near a shop that sells everything for the anglophile, such as the London Food Co. or Ye Olde Kings Head Shoppe (which is also connected to a pub of the same affiliation) you can find them and eat them immediately. i had read a great article about British chocolates from The New York Times not too long before, and was excited to get a real Cadbury's from Australia. mine had hazenuts and when i got home from work that night i ate about half the bar.

the next morning i woke up and decided to have cadbury's breakfast while reading my internet blogs and email. i decided to read more about cadbury's and did a search which lead me to this article on how the cadbury's chocolates in the U.S. were safe from being recalled for possible melamine additives in the milk (which can cause renal failure) and that they were only being recalled from Asia and Australia. I finished reading the article, took another bite of my rich and creamy cadbury's, then realized that, yes...THIS BAR WAS FROM AUSTRALIA! i looked at the packaging and, yes...THIS BAR WAS FROM AUSTRALIA AND MADE IN HONG KONG!

i ate another piece.

i thought about the article and how renal failure would possibly manifest itself if i was affected. kidney damage, huh? irreversible? would i need a colostomy bag in the future?

i ate another piece.

i re-read the article and was pleased that the recall was only a precaution and that the chocolate was probably fine (yeah right, they only write things like that to prevent mass hysteria).

i ate a chunk.

i realized that i was either really stupid or had no fear of food as i've had food poisoning many times (hmmm, for one to have had food poisoning so many times, is that not an indication of stupidity?).

i wrapped up the chocolate and put it back in the pantry. that was about two weeks ago. five small little squares are left. i haven't thrown it away and i don't want to. i want to eat it all. i'm even thinking about eating the last five little squares after writing this post. the possibility of it being lethal, deadly, poisonous, has given it an irresistible taboo status. all i need is to eat fugu and have this chocolate as dessert.

but hey, it's been TWO WEEKS and i'm FINE! that chocolate is damn tasty and it was a gift. a very sweet gift. yum. i want to eat it, but now i'm relishing in denying myself the gratification. leave it to the british to make a food that could incite Victorian Repression; i am a depraved chocolate maniac with a fetish for melamine poisoning, but it's so wrong to eat it, to taste it, but i want it and that makes me bad, very very bad so now i must go and whip myself and lace my corset too tight as punishment....

ahem. got carried away there. i better go to sleep now, but there's one more thing i have to do....

Manifesto #4 - Reference and Links, What I'm Eating Now and Pics

2008-10-11T10:10:00.000-07:00

DEAR READERS,

I am happy to have logged in a total of 25 (and now 26 counting this one) posts on the blog since starting in late September this year. Just a few updates:

1. If you've noticed any sort of references or definitions in the posts, i most likely will have found this info from wikipedia. love it or hate it, it works for me. any other writing not my own will be cited.

2. As an example from the above, anything in light green will be a link to click on for more information. It may seem redundant, but I was asked why the text was a different color by some less tech savvy readers, so just wanting to be clear.

3. I added a "What I'm Eating Now" section on the right side of the page as a kind of homage to the book Everything I Ate by Tucker Shaw. I don't have the patience to photograph every meal I have, so most likely whatever is posted will be my breakfast or after work meals. I find it to be a very intimate portrait, as I do believe that you are what you eat. It will be interesting to see what I come up with.

4. Most of the pictures I have to accompany my posts have been found on flickr or on the internet. There have been some photos I wanted to use, but opted not to as they were copyrighted material. I will never use any photograph that requires permission.

on a side note, i had my busiest night as lead cook so far and with the help of the crew, we had a successful night. we have some great teamwork and it's getting to the point that everyone is able to jump onto every station to help where needed. we also have an all female hot line, and i can't think of another restaurant that's the same. there has already been talk of getting some cat ears to wear halloween night while working. looks like we'll all be able to handle this coming busy season after all. hopefully the prep work won't be too bad coming in the afternoon, but we all know once it's busy, it's already gone. c'est la vie!

-I

A Cook's Life #3 - Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea

2008-10-09T13:12:00.000-07:00

there is an old adage "Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea." it originated as a nautical reference, and according to the International Maritime Dictionary by Kerchove, the devil is the seam in a wooden deck which bounds the waterway or a seam in the planking of a wooden ship on or below the waterline. if you imagine yourself standing at the top mast on a footrope under a yardarm, and are at the risk of falling, you'll most likely land on the deck within the devil's plank or in the water outside the devil's plank, and be killed.

this sense of being between a rock and a hard place has dogged my steps ever since i changed careers. a lot of people don't realize that once you become a cook, your life is completely different from most of your friends. unless you're a veterano, you will work at night and put in your dues. this means working from 2pm til closing and breaking down, which could mean 11:30 pm or if particularly busy past midnight. you'll also get paid around $8 or $9 an hour which means that you'll get a second job to make ends meet. if this surprises you, know that this is the standard. even working for a hotel may get you $12 an hour, but it doesn't get much better. most culinary students after graduating have a debt of at least $50K, and after working in a restaurant for a short time, change careers because they can't pay their loans. i did this for around seven months, working at two different kitchens a lunch and dinner shift, sometimes only getting one day or staggered half days off. i only ate the food provided by the restaurant (couldn't afford regular groceries and i was never home anyway) and had as many butter sandwiches to keep my energy going. i only saw Matt because we lived together, i never saw my friends, still barely made only enough money for gas and rent, and lost my mind.

thankfully, i have only the one job and with some careful lifestyle changes (getting rid of the car and walking to work, not eating...so much) i am...still barely able to make ends meet, but at least i am more rested and in a positive work environment. i had been working the lunch shift at my restaurant for a year, and once i quit the night job, took some time and enjoyed getting out of work at 3pm, and having weekends off (two full days in a row off? incredible), and seeing my sweetie. i made the conscious decision to start working double shifts, at a moment's notice, and 6 day weeks because after working two jobs, you start to feel kinda lazy, or at least i did. this eventually turned into a split work week where i had three nights and three days as the kitchen suffered a major cook shortage, mainly due to the cooks not being able to earn a living.

i've now been working solely nights for the past month (maybe longer) and am being trained as lead cook. this means i set the pace for the other cooks and need to be on top of everything as far as knowing what's going on, communicating with Chef, and i have the most intricate and highly technical dishes to deal with. as of this week, i've been lucky to have the lead station for four nights in a row, so i'm really starting to get it. it is a marked change working at night vs day, as the cooks are hungry with ambition, and menu is more extensive with a tasting menu and longer service. just last night we had a special tasting menu and it was amazing to see Chef in action.

this is where the devil and the deep blue sea come in again. i am lucky to have a support system with my wonderful boyfriend both financially and emotionally, but i do miss him terribly. the schedule change is being tolerated, and the recent mini-break has eased tensions, but it will get harder as the holidays come around since i will most likely be working. i'm lucky to even have a relationship because a serious cook's life forsakes everything to the point that you are selfless, and are working for an intangible, far off, and sometimes unrealistic goal. however, because i have started working nights, i have become that much better. cooking is a craft, and i believe a cook to be an artisan, one who is skilled in making food into art. it is the only form of expression that engages all of our senses, and no matter how breathtaking the sistine chapel is, you can't eat it so it doesn't interest me ;P.

the conflict is that if i could, i would work at night, but still be able to see my boyfriend and have a day schedule, and make hmmm, $20 an hour would be fine, i'm not greedy, and not get yelled at by Chef EVER because every service would be easy and nothing would go wrong, or better still would win the lottery (i'd be happy with $6 or 7 million) and that way i could still cook, but afford to eat at restaurants and travel and stage at other restaurants around the world and then buy some land up in portland or new zealand and run my own organic farm and attached restaurant with only 30 seats and make sheep's milk cheese.... i know, 'tis a fantasy. i've also been looking into becoming a culinary instructor, and while it would give me the financial freedom and schedule i desire, i would be away from all the amazing things i learn EVERYDAY at work. i also believe that if i'm going to teach, i need to be responsible to my future students and learn as much as i can, just i hope they would. i'm not ready to give that up just yet, but i also don't know realistically how much longer i can afford to NOT make ends meet.

so, the devil is every selfish desire for normalcy in my life like dinner with the family and weekends off, while the deep blue sea is every selfish desire for culinary greatness, and i don't mean getting my own show on the food network, but becoming the best possible cook i can, and in turn understanding Food so that i can write about it responsibly, and eventually teach new cooks that it's not just a job but a way of LIVING.

the devil whispers in my ear every afternoon when i walk three blocks to work, and i think of the time when i was able to put in a good day's work, come home, relax and read, cook dinner for Matt and i, perhaps meet up with friends that night or on the weekend. the deep blue sea whispers to me every night when Chef says to break down, and i realize i've done a good job, and i could keep going, and how i want to have such a noble sacrifice and purpose, and reach a true goal after many years of dedication and become a real chef, like the Chefs i work with who are so exceptional and so fully realized in their faculties that sometimes it makes me weep; they have become the EXTRA-ORDINARY, and chose to do what many others could not, and perhaps what i cannot because i refuse to give up those things that i need in life to be happy. thus, i am a knight of infinite resignation and not a knight of faith.

i have made compromises, but all this treading water wears on the body and soul. at least i've reached a sort of balance; as if the lesser of the two evils have cancelled each other out. i do have faith that ultimately things work out. no matter how horrible a service, things get fixed and are worked through, and no matter how terrible this busy season may be with at least 200 on the books every night, it will pass.

i can only do my best, and until i no longer feel that, i will keep on keeping on. today i woke up at 9 am, tidied up the loft, put in three loads of laundry, loaded the dishwasher, walked the dogs, written this post, and now will be off to start my day (night) at work. i'll get home around 11:30 pm, eat SOMETHING, then sleep (if i'm good) at 2 am. this is my life, every day, until it changes again, hopefully for the better.

Food Consciousness #2 - I'm Back!

2008-10-07T09:10:00.000-07:00

i returned last night from a mini-break (four days) in San Francisco/Sonoma. my boyfriend Matt and i and the two dogs embarked 11pm thursday night and arrived (ugh) about 10am friday morning in Sonoma. yeah, it was a rough drive, and there were a lot of stops, especially for the dogs. our first stop was D's Diner where i ate a delicious burger, and Matt had their famous breakfast burrito. consequently, that was not my first burger. after watching the numerous in-n-outs that were flying past on the I-5, i demanded that we stop at the next and i had my fave #1 with onions and a dr. pepper. no animal fries this time as it was 2 am and a road trip. afterwards, we finally made it to see Matt's brother, girlfriend and their new baby girl. after sleeping most of the day to recover, i awoke and we all had a delicious persian dinner of rice, braised chicken, ground spiced turkey, steak and yoghurt.

the next day we woke early for some delicious scones (strawberry, ginger and white chocolate and plum, nectarine and honey) and tea at the Wildflour Bakery. afterwards we headed to Doran Beach, where the dogs got to run in the waves, eat seaweed, and dig little holes to hide their heads in. it had been cold up until this point when the sun started to burn off the clouds. once the dogs were thoroughly salted, we headed for a quick burrito and then back home. after sitting on the deck and getting some sun, we headed into town for lunch at East West Cafe where i dined on a delicious salmon benedict.

then we headed to San Francisco to meet up with another brother and his family. they have two boys and one in particular went crazy for the dogs. we all chatted and made a great dinner of burgers, grilled vegetables, and salad. afterwards we walked to the nearby store and got some ice cream. we opted to stay the night. now here's where it turned bad. the next morning, Matt wasn't feeling well, so much so that he was throwing up and stayed in bed the whole morning sweating and shaking. the only strange thing was during dinner when he felt his lips tingle while eating the eggplant. no one else felt strange. he wanted me to have fun anyway, so i headed off to the castro street faire where i walked and walked and god that's a big street faire.

i came back and proceeded to read A Year In Provence by Mayle in its entirety while Matt recovered. i love perusing people's bookshelves, and this happened to be on my, "i'm supposed to have read this already," list. by this time it was afternoon and we walked to a nearby pet store for dog food. once the dogs were fed, we walked back through the street faire and had crepes at the Squat & Gobble. we people watched, ate, people admired the dogs, then we walked to Dubose Park and had the dogs run around. at this point we made dinner plans with Matt's friend Eric, and we headed back.

after a nice nap, we met up with Eric at Osha Thai in the Mission. We dined on spring rolls, pumpkin curry, chili basil beef, and coconut rice. we had one of those great catching up conversations, talked about where we lived now, how SF is changing, new projects we're working on, and just enjoyed the atmosphere, food and company most of all. upon leaving we noticed the 826 Valencia store (of Dave Eggars fame) and Paxton Gate, a store which had a full size taxidermied African Lion on display in the window; we would be back the next day. we said our goodbyes and went back.

we awoke to our last day in the bay area, and met upstairs with the family for a last breakfast. the kids were off to school, parents off to work, and we decided to go to Tartine since those two stores wouldn't be open until noon, and we'd have to be on the road by then. Tartine is probably the best bakery i've ever been in. while Matt waited outside with the dogs, i stood in line and made my choices: shortbread, chocolate oatmeal cookie, coconut macaroons, pain au chocolat, croissant, soy chai latte all to go. once we got into the car we started eating, and that croissant was so flaky and buttery, i will never have to eat one again until i go back. the chocolate was the good kind of dense and bitter, and the shortbread melted away as i swallowed. mmmmm.

the road trip back was quiet. we stopped by Pea Soup Andersens for the traditional pit stop and a "pea" then made our way through the grapevine, and back to LA.

it was a much needed trip; a return to normalcy and simplicity for me, and the realization that again i want something MORE. i am quietly plotting to move to the bay area, SF in the next five years. working here is too important to both of us to just pack up and leave at the moment, and so it will be time well spent career wise. by then i hope to be teaching, and perhaps Matt will be running a satellite design house. goals are good.

-I

p.s. while we were in SF for those two days, we didn't have anything with us, as we left it up north. it was only supposed to be a day trip, but with Matt getting sick and wanting to catch up with friends, well, we ended up wearing the same clothes, no dog food (which we later found in the car anyway) and no camera (iphone died) to take pics. please note all the photos are from flickr, but are authentic to the subject.

p.p.s. THANK YOU to Dan, Ziba and Sepideh and Mark, Emily, David and Benjamin for being great hosts!

Mood Food #2 - End of Summer Pig Out on Fried Chicken!

2008-10-01T00:09:00.000-07:00

after writing my post on crew meal, i was happy to find a few pounds of chicken legs in the walk in and decided to make fried chicken. i don't know how many times i've made fried chicken crew meal, but i remember the first time was at the beginning of this summer. the main reason was that we had gotten our first real week of heat. i remember telling my co-worker, Steven, that i made fried chicken because it's hot and summer, and i want fried chicken! who doesn't think of fried chicken when it comes to summer picnics? everyone lays out a blanket, music is playing, the kids are throwing a ball around, kites are flying, the ice cream truck has just pulled up, blue skies and hot, green grass, the ice is melting but the drinks are cold, and out comes the potato salad, biscuits and fried chicken.

everyone loves to eat fried chicken. when i was growing up, fried chicken came to me in the form of Kentucky Fried Chicken, with biscuit and mashed potatoes and gravy (including spork). later on it was the stuff of late-night college eating binges, where we'd pool our meager funds and buy a few buckets nearing closing time; i think it was something like 15 pieces for $5.99. i even had friends who would sometimes eat nothing but the deep fried batter. since then i have moved up to chicken and waffles and eventually making my own fried chicken recipe.

eating my fried chicken the other night, i realized i didn't really have a summer. i didn't get to go out and enjoy the sunshine as much as i'd liked, didn't get to sleep out on some lazy hammock after trying catch up on summer reading, and i didn't go out to one picnic or the beach (sigh). what can i say? working can do that to you especially when you work nights, get to sleep at 2 or 3am, then wake up at 11am and only have enough time to throw in a load of laundry before heading off to work again. sure i had days off, but that time was spent always doing "other things". i haven't had a summer vacation of my youth in a long time, and don't think i ever will again.

but at least, there's fried chicken; one of those foods strong enough to evoke a sense of nostalgia and take you back and away to somewhere, someplace else. so, in honor of the last days of summer, i give you my recipe for fried chicken. eat it outside while you can because before you know it, it will be November and TURKEY TIME!

END OF SUMMER PIG OUT FRIED CHICKEN

5 lbs chicken legs and thighs (preferably organic)

gallon of buttermilk

1 bunch fresh mint

take these ingredients and let soak overnight. when you are ready to cook, preheat oven to 350 F and then get a tall pot (at least 5 qt.) and fill with some soybean or peanut oil (these oils have a high smoke point and can be reused) at least halfway. you'll need a kitchen thermometer to gauge the oil until it reaches 325 F. while the oil is heating, assemble the coating:

12 cups all purpose flour

1 cup kosher salt

1 cup smoked paprika

1/2 cup curry powder

1/4 cup ground black pepper

mix all these together in a large baking tray. taste it. you should be able to smell the spices and taste the salt. remove chicken from buttermilk mixture and reserve the liquid. take the chicken and place it the flour mixture to coat, then re-dip it into the reserved buttermilk. after this, re-dip it into the flour mixture for a final coat and place it on a sheet tray with wire rack. do this until all the chicken has been double-floured.

at this point your oil should be ready (remember 325 F). take the chicken in batches and deep fry until golden. depending on the size of pot and how much oil you have, just remember that the chicken pieces should be deep frying, hence floating in the oil, completely submerged, not crowding each other and bubbling. if this means you can only fry three pieces at a time then do so, otherwise you'll end up with a soggy coating that won't turn golden. take your time with this step, otherwise all your hard work up until this point will be for nothing. also, you aren't cooking the chicken at this point, but sealing in the juices and creating the foundation for a crispy crust. just make sure it's golden, then place it on some paper towels to drain the excess oil.

once all the chicken is deep fried, place it in an oiled baking dish, cover it with foil and put it into your oven for 30 minutes. if you are anal like me, you can place the thighs and legs in their respective baking dishes, as they do have different cooking times. legs can take a little longer, especially if they are much larger than the thighs, and if the thighs have the back bone/ball joint attached, these can take longer also. after this, check for doneness (poking it with a knife to see if the juices run clear is a good test) and take off the foil to brown to desired color. if you fried it to the kind of golden color you like in the beginning, then there is no need for this step and the chicken is ready to eat. all you need is a picnic basket and a group of hungry friends.

enjoy,

-I

Hack of All Trades #2 - Pasta Pergatory

2008-09-29T11:55:00.000-07:00

Dear Umami Mama,

I was cooking pasta the other night and had a terrible time. First when I put the pasta into the pan, it wouldn't fit, so I broke it in half and then when the water started boiling, the pasta was all clumped up and i couldn't stir it, so then I added extra virgin olive oil to try and break it up, but then it just became gummy. What did I do wrong?

Sincerely,

Confused in Camarillo

Dear Confused in Camarillo,

YOU STUPID HACK! Unfortunately, it sounds like you did everything wrong. Whenever you are cooking pasta, you need to have a big enough pot to accommodate the pasta and already BOILING salted water. When you add food to boiling water, the temperature of the water is immediately lowered because the heat is transferred into the food. If you add too much food and there is not enough water, the water will stop boiling. This will also cause the pasta to taste starchy and clump up. If you are cooking a standard package of pasta (16 oz) then you should use at least 5 quarts of boiling salted water. When the water is boiling, put the pasta in the pot, and as it softens gently ease it down. You'll also want to stir the pasta so that none of it clumps together. You'll want to cook it al dente, and the best way to test this is to take it out and taste it. It should have some bite, but not be underdone. Once it's al dente, drain immediately, and add to your pasta sauce (that should be hot and ready to go in another pan that is big enough to also hold the pasta). From here you can have the pasta and sauce combine, give a final seasoning, and finish off with some good extra virgin olive oil and cheese. Remember, when adding cheese to pasta, you should take it off the heat, otherwise the fat will separate and you'll end up with oily instead of creamy.

Also, since you are using the correct amount of boiling water and pot, there should be no need to break the pasta in half. You might as well just overcook the pasta so that when you are trying to twirl it on your fork, it breaks up into those little pasta pieces, and then you'll realize that you should have just cooked some rice and added pasta sauce. Also, never add olive oil to your cooking water. The very best pasta you can buy will have a rough texture. This will ensure that when it is tossed in a sauce, that the sauce will cling to the pasta. If you add olive oil, the sauce will not cling. However, if you are making pasta that will be used at a later point, drain it and put it on a cookie sheet, then drizzle with some olive oil so that the pasta cools evenly and doesn't stick together.

If none of this works for you, chef boyardee may be your best bet as hamburger helper may be too advanced for you. May the Pasta Gods have mercy on your pasta-less soul.

-I

A Cook's Life #2 - Crew Meal

2008-09-25T01:07:00.000-07:00

"What's for CREW MEAL today?"

this question has elicited complete joy AND ran shivers down my spine, as it could mean a period of zen cooking or hellacious hospital experiment in a pan. the last two kitchens i've worked in, i have been responsible for making what's called staff meal or crew meal. basically, it's a meal provided by the restaurant for the employees. sometimes it's for front of the house (wait staff, hosts, managers, bartenders), back of the house (cooks, chefs, dishwashers, janitors), or sometimes both.

where i work now, i've consistently cooked crew meal for the lunch crew (roughly 25 people everyday) as long as i've worked lunch shift, and now i cook crew meal for the dinner crew (front of the house, at least ten orders) two nights out of the week. the reason for such extreme reactions to crew meal is because i never really know what i'm going to make. sometimes, i've been able to plan a day ahead with my sous chef Ted, and we've made some killer meals, but most of the time, i cook what we have, and that usually means whatever needs to be used up because it's going bad, whatever fish or beef scraps we have, or at worst, eggs and bacon with rice. this also has to be done in addition to the work that goes along with the station, and well, it's tough to put up something nice when your station is in the shits. of course you try to do your best, but sometimes, it's just really, really bad.

at this point in my career, i've got crew meal down, but it wasn't always so. in the beginning, i had some major disasters, like spaghetti sauce that was more like wallpaper-tomato paste and horrific beef stroganoff that NO ONE wanted to eat. believe me, cooking for cooks holds a pressure all its own, because we get hungry AND we know what good food should taste like. i had to find my niche and thought back on my life and realized, i'd been cooking good, simple food for lots of people all my life. i started cooking family meals when i was nine. back in college while living with so many different people, i'd always cook a huge pot of something, and since then i've always loved cooking for roommates, housemates, friends.

so, i started cooking comfort food: fried chicken, meatloaf, shepherds pie, chicken fried steak and eggs with grits, chicken and dumplings, hamburgers with fries, garlic herb roasted chicken with potatoes and veg, fish and chips, Portuguese sausage and fish stew with grilled bread, chili with garnish of red onion, cilantro, and cheese, goulash, beef stew, steak and eggs with grilled tomatoes and bearnaise, grilled lamb sausages with tzaziki, cous cous and greek salad, and probably my most popular (next to the fried chicken, meatloaf, and hamburgers) chinese kung pao beef or mongolian beef with plenty of rice on the side.

now, if you're a cook reading this, you know that most kitchens have a heavily latino based workforce, and most veteranos work en el dia. i've felt it an honor to work alongside these men, most of them far away from home sending money back to their families, most working two or three jobs full time, but when they get in there they get it done. sure, there's some horseplay, and i've learned all the bad spanish words i can stand, but when it's time for business, these men take it. and it's because of these men (and my sous chef Ted) that i've learned how to cook mexican food: tacos, enchiladas, cochinita pibil (i once made this using some pork that i shouldn't have, and although i was reprimanded, Chef still went back for seconds AND told me great job!), fajitas, chile quiles, cocido, chile con carne, real guacamole, real salsa, and some chicken and potato stews that i learned from my co-workers (mostly through stunted english, my broken spanish, and lots of hand gestures) who in turn had learned the recipes from their mothers or grandmothers.

i've learned from these men, that's it's important to do a good job, whether you want to or not. most of these men chose a culinary profession because its a trade in high demand that would guarantee them skilled work for a paycheck many times over in their own country. you pit that intense drive for survival and responsibility for others (wives, children) against the pollyanna-naivete of the starched-white culinary student (most of whom haven't worked a day in their lives) and the results are laughable. it's the classic Professional vs. Enthusiast, which i will get into on a future "Philosophical Musings" post.

Being a cook means that you are making something special for someone to eat, and that is given a monetary value (for the customer) but, an ethical and spiritual value by the cook; we want to do a good job, but also know when we aren't, and although it's very hard and humbling work, we THRIVE from it. we cook for hours for COMPLETE STRANGERS, and we are tired, and we get hungry. so, when i approach crew meal, i think of my co-workers, and how i know them, have befriended them, and love them. it's important to me as a cook to make something good, but even more so to make it good for my kitchen family.

crew meal is that point in the day, even if it only lasts five minutes (most of the time it only lasts two) that we can have a moment to ourselves, and ironically, eat food. it's a sacred moment, when we can stop to sit, take a breath, and enjoy something warm. it's one of the only comforts we have, because other than that, we are moving constantly, always standing, always alert, always working, always doing SOMETHING for something or someone else, except for when it's crew meal time.

since i've moved to nights, i see the lunch crew when i get in, and they are always happy to see me and i them. they always ask me,"Comida?" and i always have to tell them, "No mas." some of them even point to their stomachs and make frowny faces. yeah, i miss feeding them, and they miss eating my food. now when i make crew meal, it's mostly been fish scraps, rice and salad, with the exception of a killer shepherds pie, meatloaf, and chili i was able to make with sous chef Ted's help (ahhh, the good old days).

so, if you've ever wondered if cooks get to eat at work, or had this idea that all we did was eat all day and get fat, it's really much, much more. this is how i've run with it, and i've tried to make it the best food experience possible.

-I

p.s. props to Steven for pancakes, candied walnut french toast, and maple syrup butter...OH YEAH!

p.p.s. i miss you all: samantha (aka mariposa), felix (aka chupas), sal, javier (aka pitallas), chago, ray, abel (aka blueberry, chiquita), eutemio (aka tortuga), humberto (aka chapin), pancho, christopher, and all the cochos from front of the house!

Gastronomic Concepts #3 - Dinerese and America's Lost Counter Culture

2008-09-24T01:50:00.000-07:00

when i was a kid, i used to watch this show called Reading Rainbow with the host Levar Burton (of Roots and Star Trek: Next Gen fame). there was an episode where he was in a diner, and the waitress was calling orders to the cook in this weird code. she explained that it was Dinerese (DYEner-EZE), a kind of shorthand for food orders that came about in the U.S., mostly in diners, lunch counters, and casual eateries. Levar wanted to learn dinerese, so tried his hand at interpreting what the waitress called back. his interpretations however were literal, and many of the customers sent their food back. after some explaining, he got the hang of it and the customers were happily fed.

i never forgot that episode, and in doing my research, i found this fantastic list on wikipedia under "Diner Lingo". i find it fascinating how some of the entries make absolutely so sense, yet still managed to spread as common culinary knowledge among short order cooks and waitresses. in the modern kitchen, some terms like "on the rail", "marry", "86", "pittsburgh" are still in use.

so, if you're like me and love reference lists, dive in and enjoy! i especially love the definition for "Eighty-Six" and "Zeppelins in a fog." my dinerese order would sound something like this: "Burn one, take it through the garden with Jack Benny and pin a rose on it. Frog sticks and hemorrhage in the alley. One on the city. Dusty miller, and put a hat on it!"

A
A blonde with sand: coffee with cream and sugar
A Murphy: a potato, so called because of their association with the Irish diet of potatoes, Murphy being a common Irish name
A spot with a twist: a cup of tea with lemon
A stack of Vermont: pancakes with maple syrup
An M.D.: a Dr Pepper
Adam & Eve on a raft: two poached eggs on toast
Adam's Ale: water
All hot: baked potato
Angel: sandwich man
Angels on horseback: oysters rolled in bacon on toast

B
B & B: bread and butter
B.L.T.: bacon, lettuce, and tomato sandwich
Baled hay: shredded wheat
Balloon juice/Belch water/Alka Seltzer: seltzer, soda water
Beef Stick: bone
Billiard: buttermilk
Birdseed: breakfast
Black and white: chocolate soda with vanilla ice cream
Bloodhounds in the Hay: hot dogs and sauerkraut
Bloody: very rare
Blowout patches: pancakes
Blue-plate special: a dish of meat, potato, and vegetable served on a plate (usually blue) sectioned in three parts. This can also refer to the daily special.
Boiled leaves: Tea
Bow-wow/Bun pup/Tube steak/Groundhog: a hot dog
Bowl of red: a bowl of chili con carne, so called for its deep red color.
Break it and shake it: add egg to a drink
Breath: onion
Bridge/Bridge party: four of anything (from bridge the card game)
Bronx vanilla/Halitosis/Italian Garlic: garlic
Bubble Dancer: dishwasher
Bucket of cold mud: a bowl of chocolate ice cream
Bullets/Whistleberries/Saturday night: Baked beans, so called because of the supposed flatulence they cause.
Burn one: put a hamburger on the grill
Burn one, take it through the garden and pin a rose on it: hamburger with lettuce, tomato and onion
Burn the British: toasted English muffin

C
C.J. Boston: cream cheese and jelly
Cackle fruit/Cackleberries: eggs
Canned cow: evaporated milk
Check the ice: look at the pretty girl who just came in
Checkerboard: Waffle
Chewed with Fine Breath: hamburger with onions
China: rice pudding
Chopper: a table knife
Clean up the kitchen: hash
Coney Island chicken/Coney Island bloodhound/Coney Island: a hot dog, so called because hot dogs were popularly associated with the stands on Coney Island.
Cow feed: a salad
Cow paste/Skid Grease/Axle grease: butter
Cowboy Western: a western omelette or sandwich
Creep: Draft beer
Crowd: three of anything (possibly from the saying "Two's company, three's a crowd")
Customer will take a chance: hash

D
Deadeye: poached egg
Dough well done with cow to cover: bread and butter
Drag one through Georgia: cola with chocolate syrup, probably a reference to the fact that the headquarters of Coca-Cola is in Atlanta, Georgia, and dragging anything is likely to get it muddy, i.e., darker, which would be the same result as adding chocolate syrup. Carbonated drinks such as Coca-Cola were originally served by pouring concentrated syrup into a glass and adding soda water, so they could be made to whatever strength the customer preferred.
Draw one/A cup of mud: a cup of coffee
Draw one in the Dark/Flowing Mississippi: a black coffee
Dog and maggot: cracker and cheese
Dog biscuit: a cracker
Dough well done with cow to cover: buttered toast
Dusty Miller: chocolate pudding, sprinkled with powdered malt

E
Eighty-six: "Do not sell to that customer" or "The kitchen is out of the item ordered". "To remove an item from an order or from the menu". Article 86 of the New York State Liquor Code defines the circumstances in which a bar patron should be refused alcohol or '86ed'. The Soup Kitchen Theory: during the depression of the 1930s, soup kitchens would often make just enough soup for 85 people. If you were next in line after number 85, you were '86ed'. The Eight Feet By Six Feet Theory: A coffin is usually eight feet long and is buried six feet under. Once in your coffin you've been 'eight by sixed', which shortens to '86ed'. Chumley's Theory: Many years ago, Chumley's Restaurant, at 86 Bedford Street in Greenwich Village, New York City, had a custom of throwing rowdy customers out the back door. During Prohibition, Chumley's was a speakeasy owned by Leland Stanford Chumley. When the cops were on the way, someone would shout "86," and they would all exit through the back door.
Eve with a lid on: apple pie, referring to the biblical Eve's tempting of Adam with an apple. The "lid" is the pie crust
Eve with a moldy lid: apple pie with a slice of cheese

F
Fifty-five: a glass of root beer
First lady: spareribs, a pun on Eve's being made from Adam's spare rib.
Fish eyes or Cat's eyes: tapioca pudding
Flop two: two fried eggs, over easy
Flop two, over easy: fried egg flipped over (carefully!) and the yolk is still very runny. That means the other side is cooked for a few seconds
Flop two, over medium: turning over a fried egg and the yolk begins to solidify
Flop two, over hard: fried egg, flipped and cooked until the yolk is solid all the way through
Fly cake or Roach cake: raisin cake or huckleberry pie
Foreign Entanglements: plate of spaghetti
Frenchman's delight: pea soup
Frog sticks: french fries
Fry two/Let the sun shine: 2 fried eggs with unbroken yolks

G
GAC: Grilled American cheese sandwich. This was also called "jack" (from the pronunciation of "GAC")
Gallery: booth
Gravel train: sugar bowl
Graveyard stew: milk toast; buttered toast, sprinkled with sugar and cinnamon, and dropped into a bowl of warm milk

H
Hail: ice
Heart Attack on Rack: biscuits and gravy
Hemorrhage: tomato ketchup
Hen Fruit: Eggs, typically boiled
High and dry: a plain sandwich without butter, mayonnaise, or lettuce
Hockey puck: a hamburger, well done
Hold the hail: no ice
Honeymoon salad: lettuce alone
Hot top: hot chocolate
Hounds on an Island: franks and beans
Houseboat/Dagwood Special: a banana split made with ice cream and sliced bananas
Hug one/Squeeze one: a glass of orange juice

I
Ice the rice: rice pudding with ice cream
In the alley: served as a side dish
In the weeds: a waitress/cook that can't keep up with the tables. Refers back to chefs' military roots, where being in the weeds would cause your army to be slaughtered.
Irish turkey: corned beef and cabbage

J
Jack Benny: cheese with bacon (named after the famed comedian)
Java/Joe: coffee

K
Keep off the grass: no lettuce

L
Ladybug: fountain man
Let it walk/Go for a walk/On wheels/Give it shoes: an order to go, a takeaway order
Life preservers/Sinkers: doughnuts
Lighthouse: bottle of ketchup
Looseners: prunes, so called because of their supposed laxative effect.
Love Apples: tomatoes
Lumber: A toothpick

M
Machine Oil: syrup
Magoo: custard pie
Maiden's delight: cherries, so called because "cherry" is a slang term for the maidenhead, hymen
Marry: bring items together for cleaning up, i.e. marry the salt and pepper.
Mayo: mayonnaise
Mike and Ike/The twins: salt and pepper shakers
Million on a platter: a plate of baked beans
Mississippi Mud/Yellow paint: mustard
Moo juice/Cow juice/Baby juice/Sweet Alice: milk
Mully/Bossy in a bowl: beef stew, so called because "Bossy" was a common name for a cow.
Mystery in the alley: a side order of hash

N
Nervous pudding: gelatin
No cow: without milk
Noah's boy: a slice of ham (Ham was Noah's second son)
Noah's boy on bread: a ham sandwich
Noah's boy with Murphy carrying a wreath: ham and potatoes with cabbage

O
On a Rail fast, as in "Fries, on a rail!"
On the hoof: any kind of meat, cooked rare
One from the Alps: a Swiss cheese sandwich
One on the City: a glass of water

P
Paint a bow-wow red: a hot dog with ketchup
Paint it red: put ketchup on an item
Pair of drawers: two cups of coffee
Pigs in a blanket: a ham (sometimes a sausage) sandwich
Pin a rose on it: add onion to an order
Pittsburgh: something burning, toasted or charred, so called because of the smokestacks once evident in Pittsburgh, a coal-producing and steel-mill city. In meat cookery, this refers to a piece of meat charred on the outside while still red within.
Pope Benedict: an eggs benedict, but fit for a pope
Put a hat on it: add ice cream
Put out the lights and cry: an order of liver and onions, "Lights" is a term sometimes used for the edible, mainly internal organs of an animal

Q
Quail: Hungarian goulash

R
Rabbit food: lettuce
Radar Range: microwave oven, from the Amana Radarange, whose parent company, Raytheon, was the first to manufacture and market the microwave oven.
Radio: tuna salad sandwich on toast (a pun on "tuna down," which sounds like "turn it down," as one would the radio knob)
Radio Sandwich: tuna fish sandwich
Raft: toast
Run it through the Garden: any sandwich, usually a hamburger, with Lettuce, Tomato and Onion added

S
Sea dust: Salt
Shake one in the hay: strawberry milkshake
Shingle with a shimmy and a shake: buttered toast with jam or jelly, hence the reference to 'shake'.
Shit on a shingle/S.O.S.: minced dried beef with gravy on toast, mostly because it was a reviled standard fare in army messes
Shivering Hay: strawberry gelatin
Shoot from the south/Atlanta special: Coca-Cola, probably a reference to the fact that the headquarters of Coca-Cola is in Atlanta, Georgia.
Shot out of the blue bottle: Bromo-Seltzer
Slab of moo--let him chew it: rare rump steak
Sleigh Ride Special: vanilla pudding
Smear: margarine
Soup jockey: waitress
Splash of red noise: a bowl of tomato soup
Stack/Short stack: order of pancakes
Sun kiss/Oh jay (O.J.): orange juice
Sunny-side up: the eggs are fried without flipping them, so the yolk looks just like a sun on white background
Sweep the kitchen/Sweepings/Clean up the kitchen: a plate of hash

T
Throw it in the mud: add chocolate syrup
Twelve alive in a shell: a dozen raw oysters
Two cows, make them cry: Two hamburgers with onions
Vermont: maple syrup, because maple syrup comes primarily from the state of Vermont in the U.S.

W
Walk a cow through the garden: Hamburger with lettuce, tomato and onion
Warts: Olives
Wax: American cheese
Well-dressed diner: codfish
Whiskey: rye bread, as in rye whiskey
Whiskey down: rye toast, the 'down' part probably comes from the action of pushing down the handle on the toaster
White Cow: vanilla milkshake
Windmill Cocktail/City juice/Dog soup: glass of water
Wreath: cabbage
Wreck ‘em: scrambled eggs

Y
Yesterday, today, and forever: hash
Yum Yum/Sand: sugar

Z
Zeppelin: sausage
Zeppelins in a fog: sausages and mashed potatoes

Gastronomic Concepts #2 - Shoemakers, Cowboys and Hacks, OH MY!

2008-09-22T01:30:00.000-07:00

"Stabilized on methadone, I became nearly unemployable by polite society - a shiftless, untrustworthy, coke-sniffer, sneak-thief, and corner-cutting hack, tolling in obscurity in the culinary backwaters. I worked mostly as a cook, moving from place to place, often working under an alias." - Anthony Bourdain, Kitchen Confidential

now in every workplace, there are those people that are able to fly under the radar, getting by doing just enough. they usually waltz in about five minutes late everyday, are cheerful and popular, take time to have coffee and cigarette breaks, share minor complaints about how the coffee machine broke (AGAIN!), or how they watched their favorite reality/contest/ comedy/doctor/lawyer show the night before. they aren't terrible nor are they exceptional at what they do; they are just there.

in the kitchen (or at least mine) there is no time for such things, and i'm so glad that since i changed careers, i don't have to deal with the bullshit of people that don't pull their own weight. we get into work and we only have "X" amount of time to complete "X" amount of projects, and if it doesn't get done, "WE" are screwed, and by "WE" i mean the kitchen, because if one person doesn't have something they need for service, that holds EVERYONE up. we don't have the luxury of calling our boss and asking for an extension until next week, we can't really say that, "Oh, I never got that memo, let me check my spam," or, "I sent that out last week, but for some reason the tracking number I have isn't registering. I'll send it again." if we, in the kitchen don't have it, it's our ass, and no cook ever wants to be in that position, so we do our damnedest to be ready.

however (heh heh heh) there are people in kitchens that work slow, are messy, don't know what they're doing, don't try to learn to know what they should be doing, cause accidents, don't show up for work, steal food, use bad/rotten product, send out stuff that's fallen on the floor, use dirty pans, don't wash their hands, can never put the same dish up consistently, have the taste buds of a goat, and just plain don't care about what they're doing. these people are known as Shoemakers, Cowboys, and Hacks (OH MY!).

now, before i go any further, i must stress that in my kitchen, we don't have any of the cooks doing any of those things described above. it is a fine dining, michelin rated establishment, but i do have experience working in other restaurants of lesser caliber, and it is in those places that i witnessed, first hand, the horrors of such fiends. things like, having to replace moldy berries on fruit tarts (that were already a week old) with fresh ones because they were on the menu for a party, twice fried fritto misto that had been sitting up in the window too long or that needed to be stretched out for two portions because the ordering wasn't done right and we didn't have enough calamari, or things like the sewage system backing up and flooding the kitchen floor, ugh. these were reasons why i chose to get into fine dining and specifically the restaurant where i work at present, because i knew the quality control would be of utmost importance, and since working, the restaurant has exceeded my expectations.

so, Shoemakers, Cowboys and Hacks (OH MY!). These three terms generally mean the same thing; a cook that doesn't care about the work they do. there are subtle differences and reasons behind the names.

a Shoemaker usually applies to a chef that, although is in charge of a kitchen and should be the leader, inspiring cooks and the menu and generally making the restaurant as successful as it can be, passes off the work to everyone else. the chef pulls recipes from cookbooks instead of creating their own or the sous chefs end up writing the menus, they come in to the kitchen for maybe a few hours out of the day to "delegate" and "oversee" things, and spend more time in the dining room with the guests kissing ass than back in the kitchen making sure things are running smoothly. even worse, they are in the office drunk or snorting coke and looking at porn on the computer. my co-worker, Steven, told me that the name "Shoemaker" came about from the old fairy tale, "The Shoemaker and the Elves."

the story tells of an old shoemaker and his wife who are very poor and only have enough money to buy materials to make one pair of shoes. the shoemaker sets everything out, ready for work in the early morning and goes to sleep. when he wakes, he is surprised to find that the pair of shoes has already been made and a customer buys the shoes at an expensive price. as time goes on, the shoemaker keeps putting out his work the night before, with the intention of completing it in the morning, but finds the shoes all made. one night, his wife decides that they should hide and watch to see what goes on in the night, and they see two little naked elves making the shoes. the couple decide that they should make the elves some clothes in appreciation for helping them, and the next night, the elves find the clothes, in place of shoes that need to be made, and they are so happy that they dance away, leaving the couple to their own happiness and wealth.

now, the story is much nicer, portraying the shoemaker and his wife as humble people that have worked hard all their lives, but just needing some help, and that the elves were happy to help the couple. i can assure you that a Shoemaker Chef is very capable of doing his work and is just a lazy bastard and that the kitchen elves are PISSED when they have to do more work on top of their own.

i had heard the name, "Cowboy," after asking one of my british ex-pat coworkers what they call "Hacks" in England. "We call them Cowboys," he said in his imperial british accent. i thought that was funny, and ironically, he ended up getting sacked because he was a Hack. anyway, i asked another british ex-pat coworker, David, why the name Cowboy. he responded, "Cowboys, they just plow through everything, don't they?" No finesse, no care, no delicacy in the work, just rough riding and getting it done. made sense, and as far as Hack, it's the same as hacking wood with a dull ax. so if you're an American cook in England and they call you a cowboy, it's not a compliment and vice versa.

consequently, most if not all culinary students start out as hacks/cowboys, but they can't help it; most have little or no experience and honestly, they don't know WTF they are doing. hopefully they'll grow out of it, but unless they find a kitchen that is willing to train them and help them grow, they are doomed to forever troll in culinary graveyards working for Shoemakers and other Hacks, never to be fired because it's hard to find good help, and because the Hacks and Cowboys grossly outweigh the real cooks. so they get their tattoos, and think it's cool to be a chef, and drink and swear and have a deep affinity with pirates, talk about Anthony Bourdain like he's a god (while i don't doubt that Mr. Bourdain is a competent chef, we must remember that he became famous for being a writer and not a Chef), think they are rockstars, and do a lot more talking than cooking, collect their paychecks and are just there, doing just enough, getting along by the skin of their teeth, finding ways to cut corners instead of doing the technique right in the first place, and they don't care.

GOD WHAT AN INSUFFERABLE EXISTENCE! THEY SHOULD JUST GO WORK IN AN OFFICE, WHERE THEY WOULD GET PAID FOR SITTING AROUND AND SURFING THE INTERNET! AND THEY WOULD MAKE MORE MONEY!

ah me. well, it's good to be part of a profession where, at least i know i give a damn, and it shows.

-I

Mood Food #1 - Girls Night Out Mac 'N' Cheese

2008-09-19T11:31:00.001-07:00

back in the day, my best girlfriend Jenn and i would meet up for drinks, dancing, and late-night food. we were each other's wingmen, not so much to pick up on guys, but more to look out for each other. if she wore a dress or skirt, then i would wear pants and vice versa, and we would always wear black, our makeup was always smoky eyes and red lipstick, and we would never smile; we were tough cookies, and we meant business when it was dance night. we would take turns buying drinks, talk about guys or our boyfriends, and just have fun.

when it was time to leave, it was most likely because we were hungry. eating before drinking and dancing was never a good idea, so we starved ourselves like good society girls until we needed to eat something to "soak up all that damned alcohol". we'd end up at the 24 hour diner, jewish deli, taco truck, or late-night brazilian restaurant. thinking back to all those nights, we always ordered something cheesy, greasy and meaty. we rationalized that we needed to eat something heavy to combat the alcohol and to ward off hangovers. i'm not sure if it worked, because i always slept through the hangover the next day, but i suppose it was just one of those perfectly convenient justifications for eating like pigs. some of the things we always ate were:

macaroni and cheese

chili cheese fries

NY steak mid-rare and over medium eggs with hash browns and plenty of tabasco

seafood pizza with clams, shrimp, lobster and pink sauce

matzo ball soup with lemon wedges on the side

chopped liver, onion, bacon and cheese sandwich, grilled with pickles on the side

danger dogs with everything

pink's spicy polish dog with chili, cheese, onions, mustard, bacon and tomatoes

toxic hell soft taco supremes with hot sauce

tommy's chili burgers

in-n-out double double meal #1 with raw onions, animal style burger AND fries

open faced hot turkey sandwich with extra gravy and mashed potatoes

mid-rare 1 lb burger with bacon, blue cheese, avocado, red onions and A-1 sauce

poutain

double-thick chocolate or espresso malts

anything breakfast, especially waffles with condensed milk and ice cream on top

yeah, we ate like pigs, and probably looked like pigs, all sweaty, bloated and gross from drinking and dancing, our once smoky eyes and red lips now reminiscent of Fellini-esque whores; classy, REAL classy.

that was many years ago, and we've grown up since. we recently had a girl's night out, and had dinner at my restaurant. I wore black slacks, black silk blouse, black crocodile d'orsay pumps, and Jenn wore a black pencil skirt, tight black sweater, and black pointy toe heels; smoky eyes and red lips in tow. we talked about work, our men, our frustrations, and how we should see each other more as we dined on some of the best fine dining seafood in the city. it was no where near the kind of girl's night out we'd had in the past; no weirdo european dudes trying to grind with us, no one asking if we wanted to be whipped, and no college guys trying to buy us drinks or even worse, talk to us. this was girl's night out, but all grown up.

so, in honor of girl's night out, i give my recipe for mac 'n' cheese. the beauty of this dish is that it can be made ahead of time, that way when you and your girlfriends get home you can just heat it up (or not) and eat.

GIRLS NIGHT OUT MAC 'N' CHEESE

1 16 oz package dry pasta (macaroni, penne, elbows, whatever)

4 - 6 oz each of grated sharp cheddar, pepper jack, gruyere, parmesan and blue cheese

1 tsp cayenne pepper

1 tsp paprika

salt and pepper to taste

1.5 cups creme fraiche or sour cream

butter (to oil the pan)

1 qt of bechamel sauce

bread crumbs

chopped parsley

preheat oven to 350 F.

take the pasta and boil in salted water until half cooked. drain, drizzle with olive oil and set aside on a cookie sheet to ensure even cooling.

to make bechamel, take 1/2 cup each of butter and flour in a large sauce pan and cook together to make a roux (light golden paste). in another pot, simmer half a gallon of milk with onion and cloves to scalding. using a wisk, slowly pour the milk mixture into the large saucepan with the roux to incorporate everything. add half a raw onion with some cloves stuck into it, half a teaspoon of fresh grated nutmeg and let simmer on low heat to a nappe consistency (it should coat the back of a spoon and you should be able to draw a line through it). remember to wisk to get rid of lumps and prevent scorching on the bottom of pan. once finished, take off heat, but keep warm. if you have a chinois, pass it through to remove any smaller lumps.

take the pasta, cheeses (reserves some for sprinkling on top. depending if you like a thick gratin, this means to reserve more), creme fraiche/sour cream, cayenne, paprika, salt and pepper and mix together in large bowl. taste it and see if you need more salt or pepper. i like mine a little spicy, so you could even add some chili flakes.

take a casserole or baking dish (large enough to hold the pasta with room for bechamel and cheese on top) and butter the sides and bottom. take some of the breadcrumbs and sprinkle on the bottom. next, pour the pasta cheese mixture into the dish, then take the bechamel and pour over to cover the pasta. you'll want to give the dish a good smack on the countertop to make sure the bechamel has filled in any air pockets. take the remaining cheese and bread crumbs and sprinkle over the top.

you'll want to cook this for about 30 mins. afterwards, turn the oven to broil and keep an eye on it from this point out, as the cheese can burn quickly. you'll want a nice golden color from the cheese and breadcrumbs. it's okay if it gets a little burned in spots, just as long as the whole thing isn't burned.

take out of the oven and let it stand for at least ten minutes (this is so it stays together, otherwise, you should have just made fettucine alfredo). if you're stubborn, you'll end up burning your fingers and tongue tasting it right out of the oven. when ready to serve, sprinkle with parsley and scoop out portions with a large serving spoon. it's also good cold, broken off in chunks with your bare hands for breakfast.

enjoy,

-I

p.s. I MISS YOU, JENN!!!

Food Consciousness #1 - Umami Mama's Story

2008-09-17T13:10:00.001-07:00

while working in the kitchen, the inevitable question comes up between cooks. "Why did you want to be a cook?" you get answers like, "I love food," or "I needed a job and I liked the commercial for the culinary school," or "I WANT TO BE THE NEXT FOOD NETWORK STAR." sometimes its more cohesive, such as, "I was a cook in the army, and I really enjoyed it and wanted to learn more," or, "I come from a family as a third generation chef, and I can't imagine doing anything else." obviously these answers show the extremes, from the absolute naive and insipid, to the mature and conscientious. my answer falls somewhere in-between, with a good mixture of child-like inspiration and monk-like discipline.

my path to becoming a cook started in the summer of 2005. nine months prior i had been struck with bi-lateral pneumonia and endocarditis and it had taken all of those nine months to recover. i did manage to get a job doing office work for a law firm, but once you've stared Death in the face, many things become clear, like what you really want to do with your life. i know it sounds cliche, but honestly, Death gave me a rare and precious gift. the gift was a question: "What would you be happiest doing all day long." my answer was simple: " i'd be happy peeling and cutting carrots all day long." strange that Death would be concerned for my well being, but there's the cosmic joke. i had experienced unlimited pain, complete weakness, and bad hospital food for MONTHS, and i wasn't in the mood to tolerate anything. so, the idea of peeling and cutting carrots all day long was, in fact, HEAVEN.

when you are hooked up to machines and can't do anything for yourself, you have a lot of time to think and plan. i remembered in high school taking one of those tests to see what would be the best career path. my top three careers were: 1. Doctor, 2. Chef, 3. Writer. now, i was more clever than i should have been, and pretty much knew how to answer the questions to get the results i wanted. having insurmountable "proof" on my side, i was all set to be a Doctor. huh? well, you know the old story of parents wanting what's best for their kids since the kids don't know what's good for themselves. i forgot the whole notion of "Chef" and "Writer," simply because they weren't real goals. as my parents told me, i was meant for something more.

so, after nearly ten years of working in the entertainment industry (yeah, i ended up going to film school on a lark!), almost dying, and finding myself completely, existentially "Adrift" (yeah, i ended up getting a philosophy degree also), i realized that i no longer wanted to be a paper-pushing, smooth-talking, high heel and pencil skirt wearing, office managing bitch. i wanted to do something real. something that had true worth and skill and meaning. i wanted MORE.

they always say, "Do what you love." i had overcome so much, that i realized i did have the strength and courage to finally do what was so clear to me years before. i loved cooking. i loved food. i loved the history and traditions, cultural meanings, taboos, religious practices, centuries old techniques that are still used today, and i loved reading cookbooks and food writing. and truth be told, it all started with PBS and watching The Frugal Gourmet.

i remember as a kid, aside from watching the twilight zone, kung fu theater, benny hill, star trek and foreign films (yes, strange kids grow up to be even stranger adults) that i loved watching cooking shows. now of course there was julia child, new york master chefs, yan can cook, but it was "The Frug" and his blend of wit, history and storytelling that taught me food is more than just sustenance for the body, but also for the soul. it's because of him that i eat hummus, that i begged my mom to buy me a chinese cleaver and wok when i was nine (still have the cleaver and use it at work everyday), that i first learned how to roast garlic, the intricacies of a jewish passover meal, how to cook with wine, the joy of sharing this with friends and family, and the importance of making food something special.

we sometimes forget how hard we work at things like putting the right outfit together, decorating our homes, naming our pets, choosing a hairstyle, what car to buy, and other personal aesthetic choices that portray ourselves in a better light. but truthfully, Brillat-Savarin said it best; "Tell me what you eat and I'll tell you what you are." what better an indication of who we are than by what we choose to consume, satiate our base desires, and express our frivolous self-indulgence. even more so as a cook, whose art is in creating and upholding standards of true taste and culture, that the quote can be easily changed to, "Tell me HOW you cook and I'll tell you WHO you are."

and so, it seems the path was clear from the very beginning, but i had to go the long way around and figure things out, not the hard way, but my own way. now, all the loose ends are coming together. cooking and writing, my crazy notions and perspectives, and a true sense of self-worth. working as a cook has given me the opportunity to do something and make it the very best it can be, no matter how simple or daunting the task; whether it be chopping herbs or making a complicated jus, and it is because of this that i truly value my time, efforts, actions, everything i do in and out of the kitchen.

in the future, i hope to eventually teach, and of course keep writing. dare i say it, but i think i love writing more than cooking these days. evolution? perhaps, but food and cooking is still my inspiration for it all.

-I

Gastronomic Concepts #1 - What is Umami?

2008-09-17T13:08:00.000-07:00

i started doing research on the term umami and found this great article from The Philadelphia Weekly by Robin Rinaldi. (the image on the left is a vintage ad for aji no moto, the japanese brand seasoning of MSG. if you're familiar with kanji, the characters in red read "aji no moto").

*****

The Fifth Dimension

by Robin Rinaldi

For this experiment you need five things: a pinch of sugar, a little table salt, a lemon, a cup of good black coffee and some chicken bouillon. Start by putting the sugar in your mouth. You'll notice an instant sensation you recognize as "sweet" up on the tip of the tongue; you may even feel a tiny head rush. Then do the same with the salt. This registers intense and mineral-like, spreading to the sides of the tongue. For the the remaining three, you must hold your nose tightly to prevent the aromas from interfering with your taste perception. Bite into a wedge of lemon and feel how the whole mouth reacts against "sour." Next sip the coffee, whose steely "bitter" hardness lingers at the back of the palate. Now take a slow drink of bouillon. See what happens, how the whole tongue seems to light up? There's saltiness, yes, and a little sweetness, but there's something else. It leaves an almost warm, creamy trail as you swallow. You might call it "meaty" or "savory." But taste researchers, Japanese cooks and increasingly more American chefs call it "umami." And in the world of food preparation, it's something of a Holy Grail--that elusive depth of flavor diners crave, no matter what it's called.

"It's the basis and the ideal of restaurant food," says Justin Rambo-Garwood, executive sous chef at Bleu. "Escoffier wrote about it. It used to be called osmazone, a greek word meaning meat flavor or broth flavor. Then Maillard figured out how to cook things to get that serious brown on them: sear and deglaze. That's how you start almost every recipe in culinary school. They didn't call it umami, but it's what you're taught to go after."

The person who did call it umami was Japanese professor Kikunae Ikeda, who in 1907 noticed that a popular seaweed broth displayed a strong taste that was neither sweet, salty, bitter or sour. From this broth Ikeda managed to extract crystals of glutamic acid or glutamate, an amino acid. It was the glutamate that caused the savory quality Ikeda named umami, and he wanted to use it as the basis for a seasoning. But to exist as a storable solid, glutamate had to be bound to something, and the most appropriate something turned out to be sodium. Thus monosodium glutamate, or MSG, was born as the captured essence of umami.

Wait a second. This exotic umami thing is just MSG--that nasty, headache-inducing stuff I don't want on my Chinese takeout? Well, not exactly. Umami is the taste of glutamate, and MSG is a glutamate deliver system. But glutamate exists naturally in many foods, including meat, fish (especially shellfish), tomatoes, mushrooms, peas, corn and human breastmilk. It's especially abundant in aged cheeses. It is, after all, simply an amino acid, one of the building blocks of protein. In fact, Gary Beauchamp, director of the Monell Chemical Senses Center here in Philadephia, says, "If you serve Parmesan cheese, you're for sure getting more glutamate than you would in a Chinese restaurant." The thing is, the glutamate in food usually exists alongside other tastes, and it also has aspects of sweetness and saltiness to it, which has made the detection of umami difficult. Was it a luscious combination of existing flavors, or was it a separate taste in and of itself? In recent years the answer has begun to emerge as scientists find glutamate receptors on the tongue and upper palate. "The definitive proof's not in yet," says Beauchamp, "but it's looking as if there are multiple umami receptors. The exact molecular structure is still a little unclear." He says we now know as much about umami sensation as we do about the sour taste buds.

But food is an art as well as a science, and chefs still tend to think of umami as perfect balance. Pod's executive chef, Michael Schulson, who lived in Japan, "everything coming together. You're hitting all the parts of the tongue, and it keeps people coming back for more." When I ask him to give a direct English translation for umami, he turns to one of his Japanese cooks, who replies "delicious." But when I ask Schulson to list some of his dishes that have strong umami, he recites the same key ingredients the researchers at Monell have pinpointed: stir-fried lobster, wakame seaweed salad, shrimp dumplings. "It's a roundness and depth that sweeps across your tongue," says Rambo-Garwood. "You can taste it in soups." (Beauchamp says most subjects will identify the taste as "chicken broth." Rambo-Garwood says you can also taste it in any pan-seared meat. "That's what separates restaurants from home cooking; our stoves put out so much more heat that as you cook the muscle, it exudes liquid, and with it come these amino acids."

Just as sweet drives our taste for carbohydrates and salty our need to keep the body chemically balanced, and just as bitter and sour generally make us avoid toxic or spoiled foods, could umami embody our desire for protein? That's one theory, says Beauchamp, but it hasn't been proven. Meanwhile, umami can explain lots of food cravings in sensual terms alone--not just Asian food but steak, lobster, sushi, mushrooms, pasta with tomato sauce and Parmesan cheese. And consider this almost mystical coincidence as described by Beauchamp: "If you dissolved yourself completely, broke your body down into its essential amino acids and stacked them all up, the most common one would be glutamate."

So not only are we what we eat, but we're incredibly delicious.

*****

after reading this, i keyed in on the word osmazone (also listed as osmazome) and found the following entry from Brillat-Savarin's famous 1825 work, "The Physiology of Taste."

OSMAZOME.

The greatest service chemistry has rendered to alimentary science, is the discovery of osmazome, or rather the determination of what it was. Osmazome is the purely sapid protion of flesh soluble in cold water, and separated from the extractive portion which is only soluble in boiling water. Osmazome is the most meritorious ingredient in all good soups. This portion of the animal forms the red portion of flesh, and the solid parts of roasts. It gives game and venison its peculiar flavor. Osmazome is most abundant in grown animals which have red or black hair; it is scarcely found at all in the lamb, sucking pig, chicken, and the white meat of the largest fowls. For this reason true conoisseurs always prefer the second joint; instinct with them was the precursor of science.

Thus a knowledge of the existence of osmazome, cause so many cooks to be dismissed, who insisted on always throwing away the first bouillon made from meat. This made the reputation of the soupe des primes, and induced the canon Chevrier to invent his locked kettles. The Abbe Chevrier was the person who never would eat until Friday, lobsters that had not been cooked on the previous sunday, and every intervening day placed on the fire with the addition of fresh butter. To make use of this subject, though yet unknown, was introduced the maxim, that to make good bouillon the kettle should only smile. Osmazome, discovered after having been so long the delight of our fathers, may be compared to alcohol, which made whole generations drunk before it was simply exhibited by distillation.

*****

then i remembered the James Bond film, "You Only Live Twice" starring Sean Connery.

JAMES

I have a confession to make.

HELGA

What?

JAMES

Actually, I'm a spy.

HELGA

I know that.

JAMES

I suppose you know that industrial secrets are big business? Well, I've stolen Osato's new process for making monosodium glutamate. And...Well it's worth $300,000.

HELGA

So?

JAMES

We'll, I'll split it with you if you get me out of here

and back to Tokyo.

HELGA

That's a nice offer.

JAMES

How about it?

HELGA

I'm afraid not.

JAMES

Why?

She stands and removes the scalpel from his pocket.

HELGA

Osato would kill me.

JAMES

We could fly to Europe tomorrow, you and I.

She hesitates, then uses the scalpel to cut his ropes. He takes if from her hand and uses it to cut her dress straps as she kisses him.

JAMES

Oh, the things I do for England.

*****

i love Sean Connery's expression in the film poster. you can just tell he's thinking ,"What is that delicious, savory taste in my mouth?" and then, it dawns on him. OOOH MOMMY!!! (heh heh heh).

oh umami, i'm so happy to be your mama.

-I

A Cook's Life #1 - Chef Collaborative Dinner

2008-09-16T11:42:00.000-07:00

my restaurant recently held a chef's collaborative dinner. five courses (not counting amuse and dessert) each composed by five chefs. the menu and wine pairings were as follows:

Amuse Bouche

Bruno Gobillard, Vielle Vignes, Brut, Champagne, France NV

Big Eye Tuna Sashimi with Petite Mache, Jicama, Watermelon, Quinoa

and Shellfish Emulsion

Villa Sparina, Gavi di Gavi, Piedmont, Italy 2006

Pan Roasted Sea Scallops with American Caviar and Yukon Gold Potato

Hogl, Gruner Veltliner Federspiel, Wachau, Austria 2006

Santa Barbara Spot Prawn Risotto with Asparagus

Jallurs, Viognier, Santa Barbara, California 2007

Roasted John Dory, Mushroom Tart, Chorizo-Torpedo Onion Marmalade

Red Wine Mushroom Jus

Quattro Mani, Montepulciano d'Abruzzo, Italy 2006

Hawaiian Mero with Kobe Oxtail and Red Wine Sauce

Demetria, Syrah, Santa Ynez Valley, California 2003

Yogurt Parfait with White Nectarine Sorbet and Clementine Sauce

Joseph Phelps Eisrebe, Napa Valley, California 2006

it was a great night and an honor to work alongside so many great chefs.

-I

P.S. special thanks to Chef Jennifer S. for having the f*cking foresight to bring a digicam. gotta get me one of those!

Hack of all Trades #1 - Fish Sticks

2008-09-16T00:23:00.000-07:00

Dear Umami Mama,

Everytime I fry fish, it sticks to the pan and I don't know what to do. I try to turn it over and end up having half the fish stuck to the pan and the rest crumbled on the plate. I need help!

Sincerely,

Stuck in Sausalito

Dear Stuck in Sausalito,

YOU STUPID HACK!!! It sounds like your pan wasn't hot enough. Get your pan hot (set it on the heat and wait until you can feel heat coming from the pan and not just the burner), then add some oil to just cover the pan (too much oil will make the fish oily, and if it's not hot enough, will end up steaming the fish). The oil should start to "wave". By this I mean that you should be able to see the heat radiating through the oil as the oil is now a conductor for the heat coming from the pan. If you put oil in the pan, and it starts smoking immediately, then your pan was too hot and you should start over, otherwise the fish you cook will probably end up getting burned on one side.

Make sure your fish is dry and seasoned with salt and fine ground pepper (extra moisture on the fish will cause the oil to splatter and can cause the oil to ignite). Gently lay your fish in the pan presentation side first. Presentation side means the side that will be showing up on the plate. If your fish has skin, this means that you would lay skin side down first, but if there is no skin, lay the side that looks nicer (it doesn't take a genius). Once the fish is in the pan, DON'T TOUCH IT! You need to get the fish to sear that one side first so that it won't stick. Depending on the kind of fish, this can take a few minutes, but you should be able to see a sear line along the edge of the fish turn a light golden brown. Once this happens, put the fish into the salamander or oven (350 F for you home cooks), and let it continue cooking to desired doneness. Again this depends on type of fish, but once it's to your liking, take it out and if you seared it correctly in the beginning, it should not stick and come right off with your fish spatula. Lay it on some paper towels to drain off excess oil, then sprinkle with a little kosher salt for added flavor and crunch.

If your fish is still sticking, put it back on the heat and let it sear, careful to not let it burn, then use your fish spatula to gently scrape under the fish and against the pan. It's even better if your fish spatula has a sharp edge, then you can shuffle the spatula in a quick side-to-side motion under the fish and against the pan. Remember, the spatula edge should be scraping against the bottom of the pan so that the fish ends up laying on top. If your spatula edge touches the fish, then you'll end up with half the fish stuck in the pan, and half the fish on the spatula.

If this still doesn't work, they sell a nice selection of fish sticks in the freezer case at the grocery store. Buy the ones that are microwaveable.

-I

Manifesto # 3 - Copyright and Plagiarism Protection

2008-09-14T23:55:00.000-07:00

DEAR READERS,

So I just added copyright and plagiarism protection; two things that anyone seriously involved with some sort of blog, podcast, book, website, etc. should do. I feel it is of most importance, not only for my own written work, but for the future contributing writers to the blog (of which I already have two. WOO HOO!!!)

I hope any other bloggers reading this will consider this for their own blog (if you haven't already). You can click on the banners (bottom right) to learn more. I'll be able to sleep better now.

-I

Manifesto # 2 - Umami Mama Blog Guide

2008-09-13T14:28:00.000-07:00

DEAR READERS,

It occurred to me that there are a great many things I wish to write about. You've noticed my titles and numbering system I've started, and last night (or, early this morning because I can't sleep) I came up with a system to classify things and hopefully make it easier for you (and myself) to keep track of everything.

There will be seven categories, each pertaining to a specific theme on the subject of Food. I will list and explain each, in no particular order.

1. GUILTY PLEASURES - These posts deal with those secret, desperate, wild instances where food, obsession and hedonism have crashed full force in a frenzy of unashamed debauchery. Think of eating a whole bag of pork rinds and finishing off with a tub of ice cream AND six pack of beer. It could be worse.

2. PHILOSOPHICAL MUSINGS - These posts deal with my observations on Food through cultural, religious, socio-economic, historical, and political viewpoints. One of my favorite books ever is "In the Devil's Garden" by Stewart Lee Allen, and it was reading this book that inspired me to explore this style of food writing. Read it!

3. GASTRONOMIC CONCEPTS - These posts act as a reference guide where I will define ideas, techniques, and give history on concepts such as umami (what is it?) and terroir (wtf is that?) and sushi grade 1++ (huh?) to name a few.

4. HACK OF ALL TRADES - These posts will share tricks that professional cooks know from years of, let's face it, making mistakes and having to cover their asses, such as, "What do you do when you're cooking fish and the skin is sticking to the pan and you can't turn it over?" I know what to do, but do you? Heh heh heh!

5. MOOD FOOD - These posts will give recipes for those times that you need a little extra care. Think of things like chicken soup for when you're sick, what do you eat when you got a hangover, or "My boyfriend/girlfriend/partner broke up with me and I wanna eat something to make me feel better!" kind of recipes. Alcoholic beverages will be included.

6. FOOD CONSCIOUSNESS - These posts will serve as a documented oral history of what I call a person's Food Consciousness. By this, I mean every encounter with food that a person has had in their entire life (birthday cakes, passover, religious fasting, McDonalds Happy Meals, Halloween candy) and what that has done to shape their current culinary tastes. Food Consciousness can also describe the collective birth of a food trend or lifestyle adopted by many (food rationing during WWII, Slow Food, Vegetarianism). I will start off with mine, and I hope to get guest writers to share their own.

7. A COOK'S LIFE - These posts will share my personal experiences as a professional line cook at a fine dining restaurant. This is my current, full-time profession and I feel it gives a unique perspective on Food as not only something "Yummy and fun!" to eat, but to expose its white collar/blue collar dichotomy as a very stressful, disciplined, conscientious and rewarding experience.

There will also be a label entitled "Manifesto", which will have any general information involving the blog as a whole (Inaugural Post and this guide will be found here) and a "Best of Umami Mama" label which will highlight favorite postings . As my archive grows you will be able to search under "Labels" by the seven categories. I also welcome readers to write in with questions that I may be able to help answer, or if they have funny stories they want to share that fit into the categories. Contact info can be viewed in my complete profile on the right.

I've been working almost 3 years as a professional cook, having changed careers from the entertainment industry. I also have degrees in Philosophy and Cinema. When I started up this blog, I was reminded that I wanted to be a responsible writer on this vast subject. For me, Food means everything; it shapes our religions, has caused wars, defines our aesthetics, and determines our survival. I've spent enough time stewing with these ideas in my head, so here they come. Hope you enjoy reading....

-I

Philosophical Musings #1 - Small Plates

2008-09-10T12:21:00.000-07:00

this was my first attempt at food writing from a few years ago. please note that the title "Philosophical Musings - #1", follows the same guidelines set in "Guilty Pleasures - #1" as a means to classify the continuous thoughts on various gastronomic themes i plan to write about. hope you enjoy....

-I

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

TAPAS and the SMALL PLATE EVOLUTION

The idea of food in its simple elegance; what an individual eats, and in turn how a society eats has always fascinated me. I believe food to be a pure expression of desires and aesthetics. One knows immediately by the senses if they are going to enjoy a meal. It first begins with scent, then sight, taste, touch and sound, each sense building one on top of another until your first bite has been swallowed. Since food is based on these primal instincts, our inhibitions are either masked or stripped away by the decadence or modesty of a meal. It was in Spain that I first learned of this precise ritual through the tradition of tapas, which I will explain in more detail.

In college, I was fortunate enough to travel abroad. I had been taking Spanish, and had become confident and proficient in everyday communication. I simply wanted to get out of Pax Americana and become immersed in another culture - I believed I could understand more about the language through food. Luckily, a friend was studying in Madrid, so I took that opportunity to tag along. The summer program lasted for 1.5 months, and I planned to stay in her dorm, or one of the nearby hostels. I was determined to have my way, and with a streak of rebellion, didn't tell my parents. As far as they knew, I was working at school and taking a few classes. One never forgets their first acts of freedom, and this had the makings of a grand adventure; it was the start of my culinary experience.

From Madrid I took the train south and made my way to Andalucia, and the city of Malaga; birthplace of Picasso, occupied by the Moors until the 15th century, winter resort for the wealthy, and major coastal merchant center to the Iberian Peninsula. It is also the birthplace of tapas. Tapas literally means "to cover" and the tradition began in the 10th century when bars offered small plates of food to cover the bar patron's drink. One reason suggests it prevented flies from falling into the wine, another suggests that the small plates of food whetted the appetite and increased the need for drink. Yet another was to prevent drunkeness. Whatever the reason, tapas has come to define the essence of Spanish cuisine.

I arrived at 13:00 and walked amongst the Malaguenos. I made my way to the plaza and La Manquita, the renaissance cathedral built on the site of a former mosque in the 16th century; its name loosely translated means "one-armed woman". I took in the architecture and history, noting the baroque facades, and made my way to the center of town; the Alameda Gardens lush with centuries old palm and bottle trees.

It was prime time for tapas as I reached No. 16 on the north side of the Alameda. Antigua Casa de la Guardia, the oldest tapas bar in all of Malaga. The old brick building was full, but I managed to find a corner amidst the businessmen, students and workers. From behind the bar hung whole ham legs, sausages and stacked barrels of wine. I started off with a glass of wine made from muscatel grapes; my thirst quenched, and yet not. I was hungry and my throat was left dry from the wine. I first order the iberico - mountain cured ham from Andalucian pigs that grow sweet from a diet of acorns. It came to me, about four paper thin slices, drizzled with a thickly golden-coloured olive oil; I can smell the salt. I can see the marbling of fat and cured pink flesh. Then I taste the delicate melting on my tongue and myself sigh in delight. I repeat the ritual again. Sip the wine. I am ready for the next. I order a mixture of manzanillas and gordales from Seville; the olives are sweet and meaty, and the larger gordales (the size of small plums) are stuffed with white anchovies. There's also a nice crunch from the whole garlic cloves that have been cured along with the olives. The ritual is again finished off with a sip of wine and I look ahead to my third choice. Everyone is eating seafood. I see hot and cold dishes, salpicon with chopped tomatoes, onions and peppers with prawns and octopus. There are boquerones en vinagre - marinated raw anchovies that are deep fried, along with calmares - tender squid rings. There are also numerous variations of shellfish al ajillo, ranging from razor clams to mussels to lobster and crab. Being a coastal town, Malaga is known for its seafood.

It was at this point of the meal that I started to make friends. Some students offered to buy me another glass of wine and to share their tapas. I gladly accepted and the next two hours sampled everything from meatballs in almond sauce, to chunks of garlicky grilled pork loin, broad beans and ham, braised pigs ears, piquant tripe, spicy snails, fritters and croquettes. We finish with remjon - salad of oranges, codfish, onions and olives dressed with more olive oil and lemon. I didn't want to leave. I would have happily stayed for the rest of the night, but I had a train to catch. I would return to Malaga over the coming weeks, and even made a trip to El Palo for pescaito frito - an assortment of fried fish that is served at all the bodegas .

Call me a romantic, but I vowed to never eat tapas again. I would never be able to top that gastronomic experience here in the States. As years went by, I noted the trend of tapas bars emerging in Los Angeles. I read the reviews, and although tempted to recapture the past, i declined; Los Angeles was not Malaga. Not long after, I noted the new trend of what was coined small plates. Small plates is not a new idea. Aside from my trip to Spain, I've had dim sum in Hong Kong, meze in Morocco, and izakaya in Tokyo. The idea of small bites of food to eat and share crosses many cultures. This new American trend seeks to combine this way of eating with the decorum of American society. After all, Americans tend to be rushed, insulated and detached from their eating. As inhospitable as fast food is with its boxed containers and drive-thru table manners, the small plate phenomenon seeks to slowly bridge that gap and bring a sense of camaraderie and pleasure already known by the rest of the world. Perhaps we would not see ourselves as strangers, and would instead offer to share a glass of wine and a plate of food. In the meantime, the small plate offers this sharing in the safety of a table amongst friends, or at the very least, good acquaintances and best enemies.

My first small plate experience was at AOC in Los Angeles. My friend and I chose four courses, including dessert. We started with some le bergere de rouscatin - sheep milk cheese from the Loire Valley. From there we had a salad of speck, apples and arugula, quail stuffed with foie gras and truffle, and finished off with cheesecake and fresh figs. Everything was shared, small and so delicious, that we didn't need to order more BUT we wanted to. Sneaky and brilliant.

While most protein portions in an entree are about six to eight ounces, a small plate will offer three to four, a more realistic and healthier serving. This also helps with the food costing, bringing a small plate item down in price to its entree equivalent. Going back to the ritual I described of scent, sight, taste, touch and sound, I believe that if one is to truly enjoy a meal, they only need a few bites to understand the message of what each plate is trying to convey. Our senses are fickle and our minds easily distracted. Something as uninspired as prime rib becomes painfully Sisyphean after the tenth bite, and upon finishing the hunk of meat, one must eat another slice to reclaim the glory of the first bite - a sad misconception, indeed. With the small plate, the flavors are every-changing, new, bright and straightforward. There was no confusion from the creaminess of the bergere, to the salty, tartness of the speck, to the warmth and crisp succulence of the quail; each had a perfect beginning and end.

I did try tapas recently, and although I enjoyed my evening, it was more the company than the food. It was inauthentic tapas made with inferior ingredients, and instead played out like "tapas inspired small plates".

I hope small plates continue to find a place beyond the status of a restaurant trend. We need the comfort and excitement it brings, and the subtle message that less IS more.

Guilty Pleasures #1 - Kobe Beef Fat

2008-09-09T23:23:00.000-07:00

i'm going to start off nice and easy with this whole blog thing, and write about something secret, intimate, startling, revealing, and hmmm...is decadent the word? all of us, have our little midnight cravings, go to the drive-thru alone, eat something in the fridge that, we know we probably shouldn't have.

guilty pleasures (sigh)

you'll notice that the title of this post is "Guilty Pleasures - #1". this is because i have more than one; some are old favorites, others will NEVER be eaten again (but it was so good at the time), and because i'm sure there will be new ones. so, #1 is going to be my most recent guilty pleasure. once we get to know each other better, i'll share others ;P.

now, i work in a fine dining restaurant, and because of this, i get access to some high grade produce. one of the stations i work has, as part of the tasting menu, kobe beef short rib (salivary glands reacting). first we season, sear, then sous vide, let it cool in the bags with all its lovely jus as it's weighed down so they form perfect meat rectangles that are then cut into perfect squares. when i cut the squares, there is inevitable "trim" that can't be used, either because it's not the right angle, or because it's just too much fat....

fat

sweet, sweet fat

the stuff that dreams are made

ahem, now where was i? oh yes, well, the trim is usually thrown away, but now and then, i've taken some home and indulged in an after work meal of thinly sliced kobe beef fat, steamed rice, green onion, sambal, and mushrooms. throw in a little soy, maybe a soft boiled egg (if i'm feeling fancy) and you have quite the meal.

you may think, BEEF FAT AND RICE? WTF? but you must understand where i'm coming from (see "inaugural post" for more details).

fat is the key flavor to everything i love to eat. if you're like me, you know the joys of licking the plate clean after the foie gras has been finished, eating lardons straight from the pan, the joy of pommes frites that have been cooked in duck fat, the heaven that is triple cream cheeses.

if you're still a little hesitant, think of those crispy slices of bacon with their juicy fat/pork ratio, buttered toast in all it's simplicity when that hot lusciousness floods into your mouth, and of course, those highly marbled cuts of beef used for grilling that are so flavorful and succulent because the fat slowly melts as the meat cooks.

i think i am melting at this moment.

so, with my guilty pleasure #1, i am getting straight to the point, cutting out the meat and going straight for the fat. other fat adventures you can try for yourself are the lardo pizza at pizzeria mozza in los angeles, the cheese store of beverly hills, and any good japanese restaurant that is willing to serve kobe beef sashimi style (melt in your mouth). if that's too much, try some

otoro or chutoro (fatty tuna).

okay, need too sleep now. maybe my next post will be about work. that's a whole can of worms right there (and not the fatty kind, boo).

-I

Manifesto #1 - Inaugural Blog

2008-09-08T10:18:00.000-07:00

i have succumbed; my first official blog. subject = food. why you should read this? i'm no foodie, but a professional chef. i don't seek to critique food, and i don't plan on telling you where you should eat, nor claim to discover a new place. my aim is to give you the experience of food, whether it be a great meal with friends, a particularly fantastic (or horrific) day/night working the line, and perhaps some philosophical musings.

i have chosen the title "Umami Mama", because i have, what i call a "fat tooth". some people have a "sweet tooth" where they wouldn't be happier eating chocolate, desserts of any kind, and always have some kind of candy at hand. others have a "salty tooth" where they can't get enough soy sauce on their rice, love the salt and vinegar potato chips, and at the dinner table, always puts salt on their food before tasting. they even put salt on their watermelon and cherries (although, this actually does make them taste better).

i have a "fat tooth" because i love to eat rich foods: cheese, eggs, rib-eye steaks, sometimes i even drink straight cream. i love to slather room temp butter on my baguette and add pate, and cheese on top. i also love carpaccio, steak tartare, bloody marys, burgers charred med rare with bacon/bleu cheese/ avocado; pretty much anything savoury, full flavored and protein rich. i've also been called a hot little mama in the kitchen, so "Umami Mama" it is.

hope you enjoy this....

-I